Abstract Art Blog

A Year of Making Art: Day 58

June 16, 2007  Day 58

This morning I am back to red-oranges in my drawing, but I can't seem to get the intensity that I do in acrylic paint on canvas.  I didn't leave enough white space in this drawing, instead using the ink pens almost like watercolor.  Except that watercolor and brush offer much more variation in transparency, blending, and edge.  Ink pens definitely limit what one can do, but instead of complaining, I shoud be looking for the essence of what they do best: line, for example.

  Drawing #58  14" x 11"

I finally started painting again today, now that I have eight new gessoed canvases ready.  I started on the backgrounds on three, and will continue tomorrow.

This afternoon we are going for a hike with Blixy and the kids, and then out to dinner to celebrate her finishing an MA in Enrollment Management (for higher education).  She studied through online courses at Capella University while working full-time as an Associate Dean at Tompkins Cortland Community College.  Yeah, I'm a proud mother!

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 57

June 15, 2007  Day 57

It is already four o'clock in the afternoon.  This morning, shortly after I finished my drawing, Adrian came home from the supermarket saying he was feeling dizzy and off-balance.  "I was staggering in the supermarket," he said.

When I called the doctor's office, they said to go right to the ER, which we did.  Adrian had had a transient ischemic attack (TIA) or mini-stroke back in December, and the symptoms he had today were the same as he had then.  But after several hours and tests: chest x-ray, ekg and cat-scan, they said everything looked normal.  This doesn't mean he didn't have another attack, just that there were no signs of it when they did the tests.

Adrian was feeling much better by then, so they sent us home.  He is now taking the neighbor's dog for a walk and swim.

We had a little argument at the hospital when Adrian got out of bed, put on his clothes, and went to look for a bathroom.  "You should ring for the nurse first and see if it's OK to do that," I said.

"Why don't you just go away for a while if it bothers you?" he suggested.

"This is why nurses always call you noncompliant."

What can I do?  Yesterday when I suggested he try staying off the ankle that was bothering him in order to give it a chance to heal, he said, "That's not in my nature."

He made it to eighty, so why should I give him a hard time now?

Here's this morning's drawing:

  Drawing #57  14" x 11"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 56

June 14, 2007  Day 56

Yesterday afternoon Adrian and I visited the Syracuse Technology Garden to meet with curator Katie Rapp about showing in their summer art exhibit in July.  The building was very cool with good spaces for hanging art, so I said "yes" to being part of it.  They will have live music at the reception and a local winery is supplying the wine, so it should be fun.  All we have to do is bring the paintings there ahead of time and then show up at the reception.  Since Syracuse is only an hour away, this should be fairly painless. 

Even with the music on this morning, I had trouble beginning my drawing, but finally picked up a blue pen and started.  It's amazing how the fear of failure is always there even after drawing successfully day after day. 

  Drawing #56, 14" x 11"

Then, since I just got a commission for a 48" x 48" painting, I opened a new roll of cotton duck to stretch the canvas.  But I was shocked to find that Jerry's Artarama had sent the wrong thing.  They sent me a light-weight student artist's duck instead of the heavier weight I always use.

This roll had been sitting in my studio for over a month.  Why hadn't I opened the box and looked at it when it arrived?  I was so upset--at myself, mainly.  I hunted frantically for the receipt or a copy of my original order, wondering whether I had mistakenly ordered the wrong kind.  I always suspect myself first when things go wrong.  But thankfully, it had been Jerry's mistake, and they agreed to replace it.

This will set back my commission dramatically because Adrian's son Dan, his wife, daughter and a cousin are arriving in one week.  When they leave, we're getting another grandchild from California who will stay with us for a week.  When we have house-guests, I barely have time to read my email, no less paint.  This time I will get up early and do my drawing every morning, but I can't imagine finding time for anything else.

I just ordered a sound machine to help muffle the noises that I'm sure will be going on as these houseguests stay up late because they are on California time.  Two thirteen-year-olds will be sleeping in a bedroom right next to ours.  Bad planning on the house layout!

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 55

June 13, 2007:  Day 55

Last night I had my bipolar support group meeting, and one thing I noted was that everyone there suffers from anxiety in one form or another--some with the "waking up at 4 a.m." syndrome, others with full panic attacks where they rushed to the hospital thinking they were having a heart attack.  Is anxiety a biproduct of mental illness in general?

Or is anxiety a biproduct of our age?  Other artists have mentioned here that they get anxious before giving an art talk, for example.  Any kind of public speaking will produce anxiety in most of us.  But perhaps our fast-paced life with multiple commitments, performances, and uncertainty is contributing to an epidemic of anxiety. 

If we imagine the rural agrarian life which occupied the largest part of our population before the industrial and techological revolutions, it's hard to believe that they were as anxious as we are.  I suppose they could wake up in the middle of the night worrying about getting the hay baled before bad weather set in, but I doubt the anxiety level was as high then as it is now.

We watched the documentary American Masters: Andy Warhol earlier this week.  I had had a prejedice against his work since my art-school days, but I attempted to be open-minded as I watched this mostly positive review of his life and work.  He was obviously a talented illustrator, becoming one of the top-paid commercial artists of his time.  But no matter what favorable rhetoric was spoken about his Campbell Soup Can paintings by art critics, they still did nothing for me.  His celebrity silk-screens were more interesting, though in the end their only purpose seemed to be to generate a lot of money as fast as possible.

This morning my first mark on the paper, a thick orange line, did not lend itself to an easy second or third mark.  In fact, as I added more thick lines in yellow and peach, I thought, "This is going to be one that I can't save."  But I continued, finding a way into it, and at some point I saw a hint of a primitive face.  I accented the features just for fun.

  Drawing #55, 14" x 11"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 54

June 12, 2007  Day 54

After the book club meeting last night, I gulped chardonnay and stuffed myself with cashews and dark chocolate.  A reaction, I think, to feeling like a phony at the meeting, stifling my personality.  I know I shouldn't say this in case anyone from the book club reads my blog, but I had always looked down on book clubs as frivolous social gatherings for unemployed housewives.  And now I have joined one!

What is the source of my discomfort?  I think it is mainly the fact of my social anxiety.  It takes a long time with any new group before I feel comfortable enough to be myself.  Otherwise I am watching everyone else and trying to fit my behavior into what I think is expected. 

The other problem is the fact that I have taught literature at a university, so the discussions at the book club can't possibly measure up to that kind of serious critical consideration.  I don't even want that.  I just want to have a reason to read a good book and to enjoy a low-key discussion about it.

Or did I join this book club because they agreed to read my book, The Bipolar Dementia Art Chronicles?

This morning I was not as hung-over as I expected to be, but chastised myself for not having more self-control.  Nevertheless, my drawing this morning is a light, playful piece in soft greens.

  Drawing #54  14" x 11"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 53

June 11, 2007  Day 53

I didn't sleep well last night, suddenly realizing at 4 a.m. that houseguests will be arriving in ten days and we are totally unprepared.  I felt absolutely wide awake, but somehow managed to fall back to sleep.  After that I selpt on and off with strange dreams until one minute to seven, when I knew the alarm clock was about to ring.

Still, I felt much more like working today, determined to finish stretching canvases so that I can get back to painting again soon.  "Why don't I buy pre-made canvases?" I thought again.  But then I decided that complaining about this was silly.  I had much more flexibility by making my own canvases because I can have any size I want that way.

My drawing this morning was light, airy and cheerful.

  Drawing #53, 14" x 11"

This afternoon I took photos of twelve drawings so that I could post them to my blog.  Then I will meet a friend for a walk at four and go to a book club meeting at seven.  This is all way too much socializing for me, and could be the cause of my sleepless night.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 52

June 10, 2007   Day 52

Adrian and I did go on a walk yesterday after all.  He had planned to bring the dog with us, but Roxy was unavailable, so we went by ourselves.  A couple of times on difficult uphills, Adrian stumbled and I had to grab him.  He was careful along the cliff edges, but I realized that this Monkey Run trail was probably not a good choice for him.  In his eighty-first year, Adrian's balance seems to be getting worse.  That doesn't stop him from biking and hiking in the woods, though, and periodically he comes home bleeding from a fall.

I'm not sure about this morning's drawing.  I turn the music on automatically now, because it helps me to get started.  But for some reason I began with a large yellow circle drawn with a wide marker, and that set the stage for what followed.  I think it was better at one point, but I kept going, and this is the result.

  Drawing #52, 14" x 11"

Another lazy day watching the French Open tennis finals.  Roger Federer and Raphael Nadal put on a better show than the women did yesterday, taking it to four sets, yet neither one seemed to be playing their best.  This was Nadal's third consecutive win.

Now that I have frittered away most of this day, I may as well take it easy for the remainder and start tomorrow fresh.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 51

June 9, 2007  Day 51

I got up early this morning and went straight to the drawing board after getting a cup of coffee.  I wanted to finish my drawing early so I could watch the French Open women's tennis final at 9 a.m.  I was stuck for a moment in the drawing and got as far as two thick black lines, when I turned on the music and everything went well after that.

  Drawing #51, 14" x 11"

The tennis was a disappointment, as the 19-year-old Serbian Anna Ivanovich evidently became nervous about being in her first grand slam final and did not play well at all against Justine Henin, who easily won her fourth French Open title, the third one in a row.

I finally started stretching canvases today, a job I don't care for.  But I like painting on the canvases that I make rather than purchasing ready-mades, so I'm stuck with this job.  It's a beautiful day, and a Saturday, so I feel we should get out and do something.

Adrian and I used to take walks on weekends, exploring the abundant trails in the area.  But he seems happier walking our neighbor's dog these days, and when we walk together, he has to go much slower than I like to.  His balance is getting worse, too, so I hate to take him on any walks near a cliff edge.

Why can't I just go for a walk by myself?  I don't know.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 50

June 8, 2007  Day 50

It is driving me mad that my ranking in Google keeps slipping, and I can't help myself from compulsively diddling with my website to "fix it."  I'm back to the morning's routine of checking email, stats, and Google ranking first, and then making art.  One of the drawbacks of working at a home studio is that the work of art making is not kept separate from the rest of my life.

I used to have my painting studio separate from my office, but now they are all in the same space, so I can jump on the computer even between brushstrokes if I want to!  I don't actually do that--once I start drawing or painting, I try not to let anything interfere with the process.  But I could be more vigilant.

Yesterday I picked up grandkids Mike and Rachel, who did not want to participate in the same activities, so I played badminton with Mike and Cadoo with Rachel.  Later Rachel showed us seven origami parakeets she had made, each one smaller in size than the previous one.  Rachel is the youngest, yet better than any of us at making these origami birds, which made me realize how important it is for us to have something we excel at.

I needed Judy Carmichael's jazz music again this morning in order to get started with my drawing.  And then it came easy.

  Drawing #50, 14" x 11"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 49

June 7, 2007  Day 49

Adrian left this morning without a word and without breakfast.  Then I remembered that Thursdays are Compos Mentis days, when he volunteers at the farm in the morning.  I heard from Carole Stone, the director of the program, that all the ladies there like him.  Typically during the week, the volunteers are women.

At breakfast I was reading this past Sunday's New York Times Magazine, and saw a short piece about Damien Hirst's latest artwork:  a skull encrusted in diamonds.  After watching the movie, Blood Diamond with Leonardo DiCaprio about the diamonds mined in West Africa to finance terrorism, the skull as repository for diamonds seemed apt.  Riches  have always been associated with death, but now the connection is literal as well as metaphorical.

Art, I think, is also fascinated with death.  It is a song of death or life, and the circle that connects them.  As I move closer to the degree of death on this circumference, I can almost imagine that life and death are one. 

This morning when I faced the blank drawing pad, I could not bear the silence.  Judy Carmchael's jazz rhythms helped me to begin, and I was able to find the looseness that I always seek.

  Drawing #49, 14" x 11"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)