Abstract Art Blog

A Year of Making Art: Day 89

July 17, 2007  Day 89

I made my drawing for the 17th, and did some painting, but I forgot to write about it.  This morning I was tempted to fake it and write the entry as if it were yesterday.  But then I remembered my promise to myself to be "honest" in this art blog.  There are many incentives not to be, but the only one I consider valid is the protection of other people's private lives.

I'm not good at that.  Since I reveal my own life freely, I tend to include those around me.  The families and friends of writers are used to this occupational hazard.  Adrian is accepting of it, and so is my sister Laura.  But others are more sensitive.

My drawing for the 17th is in blacks and grays, which I periodically find is an antidote to all the color:

  Drawing #90  14" x 11"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 88

July 16, 2007  Day 88

Yesterday afternoon I went on a big hike with Blixy and the kids on the Taughannock Park rim trail, and then we all went swimming in Cayuga Lake.  It was a perfect day, and just what I needed to refresh my system.

Of course, there will always be more aggravation coming, so the best thing is to learn to deal with it better.  I'm afraid I haven't quite done that yet.

This morning I chose the blue-green family for my drawing, which ended up a bit constrained and tight:

  Drawing #89  14" x 11"

Then I started the backgrounds on two blank canvases and did some work on a third I had started a week or more ago.  These new beginnings look promising.  We'll see.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 87

July 15, 2007  Day 87

I was paralyzed for most of yesterday afternoon and evening.  I tried to read a book, Later at the Bar by Rebecca Barry, but could not get into the stories.  Judging from the reviews I had read, I thought this would be a fun read, but all I felt during the process was more irritated that I'd spent money on it.  Don't judge this book by my review, however, as I doubt there was anything that would have pleased me yesterday.

This morning I started to have an inkling about what was going on.  I am worried about everything because a) I take myself too seriously, and b) I demand perfection.  I think it's time to reread the Zanders' book The Art of Possibility and learn its valuable lessons again.

My drawing this morning is a bit too colorful, perhaps, but I wanted to make something light and free and fun.  Not easy to do when you're down on yourself.

  Drawing #88  14" x 11"

I started listening to Don McLean's cd, American Pie, which was a little bit of a disappointment.  I like it, but not enough to listen to over and over.  Part of the reason I bought it was for the song Starry Starry Night about Vincent Van Gogh, but now I remember that the haunting version I had loved years ago was sung by a woman.  Anyone know who that was?

After I finished drawing, I tackled the problem canvas again.  I thought I would make some big changes in it, give myself a fresh take, but I seemed to compulsively rework what had already been started.  It was as if the image had a life of its own that refused to die.  And so, at the end of this painting session, here is where it's at:

  Canvas 12  40" x 40"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 86

July 14, 2007  Day 86

I am definitely depressed, but not sure exactly how I got here.  There were signs the last few days when I had all I could do to control my irritability with Adrian.  He's the first one to suffer when I'm feeling down.

Painting was awful today, and the drawing wasn't much better.   I made a rule for myself that I had to use only the Pitt brush pens, and that led to a muddled mess.  I like to make strong lines, pressing down on the paper, and you just can't do that with a fine brush!  I guess this means I will stick to the Zigg calligraphy pens in the future.

  Drawing #87  14" x 11"

At the end of yesterday's painting session, I had liked the canvas I was working on, but this morning I could see few redeeming features in it.  So I applied paint.  And more paint.  I scraped off paint.  I applied more paint.  I got nowhere and finally quit for the day.

I don't know what to do about my mood.  I am really pissed off at Owen, who says "I'll be there when I get there."  I am irritable, paranoid, and sure that no good will come of anything.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.) 

A Year of Making Art: Day 85

July 12, 2007  Day 85

I did my drawing and painting today, but totally forgot about writing this blog entry.  It is 7 p.m. on a Friday night and I am ready to crash.

Last night I woke up at 2:30 a.m. and knew I would not be falling back asleep any time soon, so I took an Ambien.  That left me a bit groggy most of the day.  I drank an extra cup of coffee at lunch because I had to give a talk with a friend of mine about mental health issues to a summer class of incoming students at Cornell.  This was about the most low-key gig you can imagine, with the topic of "me and my mental health"--one I can talk about easily with no prep.  Yet it still kept me awake last night.

This morning's drawing was done mostly with the Zigg pens.  I am having a hard time getting used to the Pitt brush pens. 

  Drawing #86, 11" x 14"

I worked again on this painting, but it still needs more:

  Canvas #12, 40" x 40"

The talk at Cornell went very well, by the way, with the students asking us lots of questions.  It's always fun to talk to students when they are interested and ask questions.  Otherwise, I find it hell.

Owen did not come as planned and it is unclear when or if he will.  I cleaned the bathrooms for nothing.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.) 

A Year of Making Art: Day 84

July 12, 2007  Day 84

I think it is difficult to move between painting and drawing, at least for me.  I've been doing so much drawing lately, and not as much painting.  Since I have a very short memory, I had to rediscover painting again on these new canvases.

Yesterday after I worked on a "blue canvas," Adrian mentioned that it was "pleasing" and that remark halted the action for me.  But this morning I determined that I was not going to let its pleasingness stop me from getting past the blue painting I had into something stronger and more interesting.  It went through many stages, some of which I might have stopped at, but I kept plugging away until I had entirely destroyed the pleasing quality.  Then I continued, and finally, this:

  Canvas 12  36" x 36"

In my drawing this morning, I was determined to use the Pitt brush pens as well as the calligraphy markers.  I also wanted to be looser and more improvisational, which I think I achieved.  The Pitt pens really do work like brushes, and that's the best way to use them.

  Drawing #85  11" x 14"

Now I need to go clean the bathrooms because Adrian's son Owen is due to arrive today or tomorrow.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.) 

A Year of Making Art: Day 83

July 11, 2007  Day 83

Last night I had my bipolar support group meeting, and I'm afraid I presented myself as more virtuous than I actually am.  Since I am one of the few people in the group who is not taking medication for my disorder, someone asked how I managed without it.  Lifestyle, which is important to anyone who is bipolar whether they are on meidcation or not, is what I touted, as well as right thinking.

When I used to get depressed, I would simply wallow in it, driving myself further downward.  Now I try to deflect the first negative thought and to do something productive instead, like taking a walk, painting, or making a drawing.  That's what I meant by "right thinking."  The trick is to stop yourself from dwelling on the negative before you get so far down that you can't go back.

"Lifestyle" means monitoring your sleep, exercise, fresh air, sunlight, and food intake, as well as saying "no" to situations that you know will trigger mood swings.  There is no single lifestyle formula that works for everyone, so it's often helpful to keep a "mood diary" for a period of time to note what works and doesn't work for you.

I manage my moods better now, but I do indulge myself with wine and chocolate, and don't always take the good advice listed above.  I'm too impulsive and compulsive for that track!

Yesterday I received the new Pitt brush pens, and tried them out in my drawing this morning.  They were a bit disappointing because they work almost like brushes (duh!) rather than pens, and require a delicate touch.  What I love about the Zigg pens is that you can make a firm, strong mark with them.  Probably a combination of the two, which is what I used this morning, will work out just fine.

  Drawing #84  11" x 14"

Next I went to work on two canvasses I'd already painted the backgrouns for.  I felt lost, as in not having a direction, but barged ahead and applied paint.  I feel a bit restless with my painting, like I am seeking a new direction but don't know where to find it.  I suppose, as always, I'll have to find it in the process of working on these canvases.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 82

July 10, 2007  Day 82

Today I'm getting eight paintings ready for a group show at the Syracuse Technology Garden.  I was going to bring them today, but my printmaker Stan Bowman offered to take them in his van on Thursday, as he is also in the show.  Here are a few of the paintings I'm sending:

  Jig Saw  24" x 24"

  Like a Diamond 24" x 24"

  Open Paths One 24" x 24"

  Open Paths Two 24" x 24"

While drawing this morning, I listened to Vicki Genfan's UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL cd.  I love these Zigg pens, and chose the red-orange family this time.  I tend to do most of my drawings horizontal, but switched to vertical this morning.  I think the horizontal/vertical orientation affects the kind of composition I make, with the horizontal tending toward a landscape feel.  One reason I like to paint on square canvases best is that the square feels more conducive to non-objective art.

  Drawing #82  11" x 14"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)    

A Year of Making Art: Day 81

July 9, 2007  Day 81

Yesterday after dinner on our screened-in porch, as I was about to jump up to clear the table, Adrian pointed out that I've been jumpy and stressed for several weeks now.  He was right.  Why couldn't I relax and enjoy the pleasant summer air and bird song?  Why did I have to keep moving all the time to the next item on my to-do list?

I am living the exact life I want to live, free to make art every day.  Why can't I enjoy it more?  I think I was just born with a type-A personality.  I turn everything into work, and work into a compulsion.

I remember realizing at some point in my life that I'd missed Blixy's childhood.  That is, I hadn't paid attention when it was happening, and realized only later how precious and fleeting those times were.  This understanding helps me to enjoy my grandkids more.  But some day I'm not going to be able to make art, and only then will I realize what I have now.

I still get a quick panicky feeling every morning before I start drawing, a resistance to beginning.  But I start anyway.  This time I used all the green and blue shades of pens I had, wishing I had a set with more colors.  Always wishing for what's not.

  Drawing #82  14" x 11"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.) 

A Year of Making Art: Day 80

July 8, 2007  Day 80

I just finished my drawing at 4:15 p.m. because I spent all day painting the commissioned canvas.  And, I confess, watching a lot of the Federer-Nadal Wimbledon final, which was outstanding.  But I must say, I love these new drawing pens so much better than the Prismacolor markers I had been using.  These pens make crisp lines and have much more flexibility in terms of the kind of line one can make with them.

  Drawing #81  14" x 11"

Here is the second painting I made for the commissioned piece:

  Canvas 11 or "Sleight of Mind Six" 48" x 48"

I think I've been staring too long at little spaces on the canvas, because my eyes feel tired and blurry at this point.  Time for a break. 

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)