August 17, 2007 Day 120
After eating and drinking too much and staying up late the last two nights, I was feeling hung-over this morning. I noticed at breakfast that I am a bit irritable and anxious as well. But listening to the Tibetan bells helped calm me down, and I started this morning's drawing peacefully. The bells inspired me to draw a lot of circles, and blue-green was the color theme I felt in tune with.
Drawing #122 11" x 14"
I think what may be bothering me is having to go to a backyard birthday party tomorrow at a neighbors. I enjoy these people very much individually and as a couple, but the thought of facing a large group party makes me sick. I am getting worse about this as I get older, too.
I even considered flying to Kansas City to my sister Laura's this weekend in order to get out of going. I actually checked the flights, but there weren't any. Also, Owen is with us, and he is willing to go to the party, so it is definitely something we should do.
On one hand, I want to give myself permission to refuse all invitations to gatherings of more than four. I want to give myself permission to never have to entertain people in our home. On the other hand, I don't want to deprive Adrian of a social life, or to limit our lives so severely. What do others with social anxiety do about this? (Right now I am thinking about "being sick" tomorrow and sending Owen and Adrian without me.)
(Note: There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)
