July 24, 2007 Day 96
I really needed this morning's drawing session for its calming, centering effect. I began it in an agitated state, with strong vertical black lines and "X" marks across the page. Gradually, I got totally involved in the process and found myself relaxing into a meditative state.
Drawing #97 11" x 14"
The reason I was agitated is that I have once again attempted to run someone else's life--John's--and he began resisting. Adrian and I really wanted him to move here, so I've been lining up people for him to talk to about part-time work. I even planned to have him work for me to help pay his rent. This morning he told us he has decided not to move anywhere until he has actual teaching work lined up. He has applied to all the local colleges here, but he is applying for jobs in other places, too, so he might not end up in Ithaca at all.
I understood John's need to slow down with his decision. I always move faster than anyone I know. And I was getting a bit pushy in lining up opportunities for him. Nevertheless, I was disappointed. And I have to admit, even irritated that he rejected "all my hard work" on his behalf.
It was very stimulating to work on this project--finding John an apartment and work so that he could move here. I was even half-thinking of flying to Chicago to physically help him with his move! I really have to laugh at how typical this behavior is for me--anything to stimulate my mania, even taking over someone else's life.
John goes back to Chicago tomorrow afternoon, and then we'll go back to our every-day lives. I just have to watch that I don't get depressed when that happens.
(Note: There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)
