September 1, 2007 Day 135
This morning at breakfast, after I pissed Adrian off, he said, "I won't talk to you about anything personal again." Just as he doesn't really listen to me when I want to vent, I don't listen to him either. We are both tense.
And thus, I started this morning's drawing with black and gray, staying with it, making patterns and then adding emphasis by texturing spaces with fine lines. I may not know what I'm doing, but within a narrow context I can work to make a drawing better.
Drawing #137 11" x 14"
I'm listening to Leonard Cohen these days. When I can't listen to anything else, I can always listen to Leonard Cohen.
Tonight we are having neighbors over for dessert after dinner. This is our compromise, a way to have a social life without a huge obligation, like a dinner-party. But somehow, I am just as freaked out by it. Once again, I am "waiting for the day to be over" so I can breathe freely again. Will I ever get past this?
One idea I had was to have friends over every weekend until I get used to it, but at what cost?
It is pitiful how sorry I'm feeling for myself right now.
Later: I made myself paint today just to get past the crappy feelings, and it helped a lot. Here's the progress I made on these two conavases:
Canvas #20 40" x 40"
Canvas #22 40" x 40"
(Note: There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)
