ARTBYLT.COM

Abstract Art Notecards

Bipolar Dementia Art Chronicles

  • "I just finished your book; it was compelling and so emotional and candid. I resonated with so many things, from large to small, and thank you for being so honest." --Nancy M. If you are interested in the life of an artist, issues of depression and bipolar disorder, or the challenges of caregiving for elderly parents, I think you will find this book a moving account of one woman's experience with all three.

    Click here for more information or purchase from Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble

My Two Passions: Art and Writing

Shouldn't it be, "art and literature," not "art and writing"?  Or perhaps "making art and literature."  But that sounds too egotistical, as if by the mere act of "writing," one were making "literature."  In the visual arts we have eliminated the separation between "fine art" and "crafts," haven't we?

Maybe not.  I knew exactly when I crossed that line in the 1970s when I started a leather-craft business making belts and handbags for sale at craft shows, and then automated a little bit and hired employees in order to sell through retail stores.  I knew I was no longer making fine art.

Is the difference in the artist's intention, or in the unique quality of items made?  If each creation is one-of-a-kind, then we are more likely to call it fine art.  Yet, that doesn't really resolve the issue.

When I was going to college and art school in the early 1960s, these questions were important.  An artist was a priest of sorts, who could help us transcend this mundane life.  Or an interpreter of culture, who could help us understand our position in it.  Anyone who was simply making pretty pictures was an "amateur" or "Sunday painter."

The act of writing seems less fraught with this tension.  One writes in private for months or years, and it is only upon publication that the question of literature comes up.  And today there are many outlets for publication (internet journals and magazines, blogs, print-on-demand publishing, etc.) besides traditional publishing houses.  Having an audience who reads what we write is often gratifying enough without an official critic's blessing.

A Year of Making Art, Day 351: Folk Art Americana at Mary Shelley's House

April 5, 2008  Day 351

Last night Adrian and I went to an open house at folk artist Mary Shelley's house/gallery in downtown Ithaca.  It was amazing to see so many of her works together, each one strengthening the effect of the others.  Mary does relief carvings in wood and then paints them with acrylics.  Her subjects are often diners, farming, and other regional subjects from upstate New York.  Mary has an impressive resume, with works at the Smithsonian, the Fennimore Art Museum in Cooperstown, New York, and the National Museum of Women and the Arts in Washington, DC.  If you haven't seen her work yet, take a look at her website:  Mary Shelley Folk Art.

Going out to see Mary's art rejuvenated me, and I got past yesterday's depression.  Today I feel great, especially since I finally got to paint again after a long pause for renovations to my studio.

I worked on the backgrounds of three paintings, but in the third one, I tried a more structured and thoughtful background than I usually make:

Canvas38500  Canvas #38  44" x 44"

Before that, I made my drawing for the day with blue/green and purple waves going across the horizontal plane:

Drawing358500  Drawing #358  14" x 11"

(Note: There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 331: Visiting Local Galleries

March 16, 2008  Day 331

Yesterday afternoon we went to some local art galleries.  We enjoyed the annual juried photo show at the State of the Art Gallery.  Laura's husband, Jim Kirsner, is a photographer, so he was interested in the variety of techniques displayed.

Next we went to Belle Melange, a relatively new gallery in Ithaca.  There we were impressed with works by Mary Shelley and Kim Schrag.  Kim is an abstract artist who paints in intense colors, so naturally I was attracted to her work.  Fernando Llosa, another favorite, was also exhibiting at Belle Melange.

Today is a Sunday, so we slept in and I got a late start.  That's fine, because I've been too tense lately and need to slow down.  In my drawing this morning I started with black, but soon moved freely into more color:

Drawing338500 Drawing #338  14" x 11"

Tomorrow I am shipping the original painting of "I Fancy":

Ifancy500  I Fancy 40" x 40"

(Note: There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 330: Mark Dion at Bertram's Garden

March 15, 2008  Day 330

For this morning's drawing I made a black-and-white minimalist sketch:

Drawing337500  Drawing #337  14" x 11"

Recently I received a notice about installation artist Mark Dion's project for Bartram's Garden--America's oldest botanical research garden.  I was offered "promotional materials that would be useful to you and/or your staff of writers interested in this project."  Wow, it must be great to have a staff on board to help you promote your art.

Unfortunately, I have no staff whatsoever and have to make the art, photograph it, write about it, update my website, and do all the marketing/promotional/bookkeeping work myself.  That's the case for most artists today.  The lucky few have a staff.

However, I don't mind putting in a little plug for Mark: you can check out his project at MarkDionsBartramsTravels.com.

(Note: There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 322: Young at Art

March 6, 2008  Day 322

Today is Blixy's birthday.  We'll celebrate it tomorrow, a Friday, by going to gallery night downtown and then out to dinner.

I just spent an hour and a half with a young artist who wanted to pick my brain about marketing his art, and especially, getting into galleries.  Somehow, I find myself exhausted at the end of our session.  While I was talking to him, I felt an excitement at his prospects--a young artist finding his way in the art world.  He seemed to have so much energy and enthusiasm, both for his art and the enterprise of marketing it.

Most artists in this country do not make a living by selling their art.  They teach or apply their creative skills to commercial careers in industrial or fabric design, advertising, and so forth.  Some have day jobs totally unrelated to their art.  Yet it is every artist's dream to eventually find a way to live by making fine art.

My drawing today is about texture.  I thought of the "ovals" and "push-pulls" we were required to pen years ago in grammar school:

Drawing328500  Drawing #328  11" x 14"

(Note: There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 318: Exhibition Photos

March 2, 2008  Day 318

Today I was determined to finish going through everything in my studio in preparation for the construction work that will happen soon.  In addition to lots of junk to throw out and give away, I found a cache of old drawings and some photos from exhibitions I'd been in years ago:

Winterpark5500   Hartley Gallery, Winter Park, Florida

Winterpark1500   Lynne at Hartley Gallery

Winterpark4500  Hartley Gallery

Talahassee500  Lynne at Div. of Cultural Affairs Gallery, Tallahassee, FL

The process of sorting through all my stuff was emotionally and physically exhausting, but I finally finished, and then did my drawing for the day:

Drawing324500  Drawing #324  11" x 14"

Now I am beat and need to relax.

(Note: There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 280: Giving Up One Painting to Gain Another

January 24, 2008 Day 280

I am writing my art blog on my new Imac for the first time today. I don't quite have all the files from my old computer transferred yet, but I have been making progress. It has been very frustrating and I was sure I'd made a huge mistake for a while there, but now I think it will all work out OK.

In my drawing this morning I used calligraphy pens in shades from yellow through red to purple, adding some final lines with a coffee-colored brown:

Drawing286500 Drawing #286 14" x 11"

Then I worked on Canvas #32 again. From certain angles, I loved this painting the way it was, but that wasn't enough reason not to give it up for a new version. I felt I'd lost too much light, and drew thin lines across the canvas in unbleached titanium in order to get some of it back. After that, I used a pale blue wash to soften the lines and cover up some of the dark blue. A little more touch-up with sienna, and I ended up with this:


Canvas322500 Canvas #32 step 1

Canvas323500 Canvas #32 step 2

Canvas324500 Canvas #32 step 3

Canvas325500_2 Canvas #32 36" x 36" step 4

(Note: There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 233: Gallery Night in Ithaca

December 8, 2007  Day 233

After I went back to Rite-aid and exchanged the second set of reading glasses I'd bought for yet another two pair, I felt better (see previous post).  This time I bought a pair of men's glasses, which had larger lenses and work better for me.  I also found one of those chains you can wear around your neck to hold your reading glasses so that they are always available.  So now I am wearing one pair around my neck and have a different pair (lesser magnification) by the computer for viewing the monitor.

Neither of these glasses solves the problem when I am drawing, however, so I draw without glasses.  This morning I felt in the mood for a gentle, calligraphic kind of lyrical design in greens:

Drawing238500  Drawing #238  9" x 12"

Last night was gallery night in Ithaca, and we walked around the commons, stopping in to see art, drink wine, snack, and talk to friends.  We almost didn't go out, but I'm glad we did.  It was my first night driving after cataract surgery, and I felt quite confident, although Adrian told me I was going too fast and it made him nervous.

The State of the Art Gallery had a wonderfully varied juried show with over fifty artists' work.  I was happy to have one large painting in the show.  The Print Shop had some very interesting work, including a handmade book artist, who talked about the process she used to make them.  Then, as we do every year, we stopped at the Art Bar Gallery, where you can purchase packages of Swiss chocolate bars that each contain a small reproduction of art.  I picked up a gift package of the bars for my sister Laura, who is arriving today from Kansas City with her husband Jim.

It is Laura's birthday, and we will also be celebrating Hanukah.  The house is ready, the gifts are wrapped, and in a couple of hours I'll pop a roasting chicken in the oven.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 230: Monet & Cassatt Also Had Cataracts

December 5, 2007  Day 230

Today is the day of my second cataract operation, and I guess I am more nervous about it than I thought I would be.  I was up for three hours in the middle of the night, and then had to get up at 6 a.m. in order to have breakfast before the "no food" cutoff time of 6:30.  I went back to bed after that, and got up again at 8:30.  I don't want my eye to be tired and bloodshot when it is operated on!

This morning's drawing was the last one made with one eye that can see and one that can't.  At least, that's the way it's supposed to turn out (that my left eye will also be able to "see" soon). 

Drawing235500   Drawing #235  9" x 12"

While I was awake in the middle of the night, I read the Tuesday science section in the New York Times (12/04/07).  There was an article about "ailing artists' eyes" which discussed the various eye problems of well-known artists, and the effects on their art.  Claude Monet and Mary Cassatt both had cataracts, and it changed their painting dramatically.  As the article states, "cataract surgery was possible in the early 1900s, but it didn't always work."

As Monet aged, his painting became less detailed, with bolder strokes, moving away from impressionism toward abstract expressionism.  His colors also changed.  According to the article, he acknowledged once that he was "trusting solely to the labels on the tubes of paint and to the force of habit."

For Mary Cassatt, sadly, two cataract operations failed and she eventually had to give up painting.  I am very lucky to be living in a time when removing cataracts is a relatively simple procedure with excellent chances of success.

I had another reminder of the change in my color vision this morning when I was preparing Adrian's pills for the week.  When I opened one bottle, it was filled with the brightest pink pills!  I closed my right eye and they looked like a pale lavender, then with my left closed, a glowing hot pink. 

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 224: Cataract Surgery A Success

November 29, 2007  Day 224

It's the day after surgery, and I am a happy woman!  The operation itself was quick and fairly painless.  A few hours later, I found that my distance vision was much improved in the eye that was operated on.  I was euphoric as I walked around the house without glasses and was able to watch a dvd that way, too.

My enthusiasm waned this morning when I tried to use the computer and make a drawing.  It is obvious that I will need new glasses for these two things.  In the meantime, I wore my old glasses and kept my right eye closed.  My left eye will be operated on in six days, and at least then they will both work together.  Right now I am neither here nor there.

I wonder what it will be like to paint?  Sometimes I stand back and sometimes I work up close.  I guess in time it will all be worked out, even if I end up with a pair of progressive glasses.

Here's the drawing I made this morning, which I can't really evaluate accurately since I did it with one eye:

Drawing229500   Drawing #229  12" x 9"

As for the color blue, my opthalmologist was right:  it does look different after surgery.  Through my left eye, which still has the cataract, dark blue looks dusty and grayish while lighter blues look greenish.  I only realize this now that I can see them clearly through the right eye.  I guess the changes happened so gradually over the past few years that I was unaware of it at the time.

Will the removal of the cataracts change my painting?  I don't think so, since it is the combination of colors, tones, values, etc., that are important, not any single particular shade.  I'll know more as time passes, since it takes a while for the vision to improve after surgery.  The effects will be clearer after both eyes are done.

I am typing this without glasses, but it is somewhat blurry.  The further back I sit, the clearer it gets.  This is possibly way more detail than any of you wanted to know about cataract surgery!

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 220: My Last Canvas

November 25, 2007  Day 220

After traveling, it always takes me a day to recuperate.  Feeling half-awake, I made my drawing this morning with greens and blues.  It was good to get back to 9" x 12" paper after feeling cramped in the 6" x 9" size I travel with. 

Drawing225500   Drawing #225  12" x 9"

After that, I tackled canvas #24 again, covering up much of what I had before.  This is the last blank canvas I have, so after this I'll have to stretch some new ones.

Canvas245500  Canvas #24  36" x 36"

I couldn't stay awake after lunch, and took a short nap.  I'm still sleepy, so I think I'll spend the rest of the day reading the Sunday New York Times.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 215: Drawing "Edge-to-Edge"

November 20, 2007  Day 215

This morning I broke away from the "edge-to-edge" drawings I had been doing lately (see previous post).  I began with swirling shades of blues, then greens, and then began adding other colors until I think the final result may be a little too much:

Drawing220500  Drawing #220  9" x 12"

After that, I looked at canvas #25 and decided I didn't like it after all.  But I didn't feel like working on it then, either, so I did some more work on canvas #27:

Canvas273500_2  Canvs #27  36" x 36"

Happy with that one, I then put canvas #24 up on the easel to make a final decision about whether or not to sign it.  I had liked it the last time I worked on it, but now I wasn't so sure.  The minute I took a brush and paint to it, I'd begun a path that allowed no retreat.  Quite a while later, most of what I had had was obliterated:

Canvas244500  Canvas #24  36" x 36"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)   

A Year of Making Art, Day 213: A Seed at the Core

November 18, 2007  Day 213

Today I focused on yellows to reds in my drawing, finding a pattern of encircling lines with a seed-like shape at the core:

Drawing218500  Drawing #218  12" x 9"

I still didn't like canvas #25, feeling that it had lost whatever charm it originally had.  I forgot to photograph it before beginning to paint today, however, so this is the final version after today's painting session ended.  I was happy with it at that point.

Canvas252500_2  Canvas #25  36" x 36"

Next I tackled canvas #27, using black, white, and burnt umber right from the tube.  I liked what I had when I finished, but later decided it was too static.  (Unfortunately, I again forgot to photograph the canvas at this stage and painted over it.)

We went out and bought new cell phones yesterday, since we never found Adrian's and I was eligible for a new phone on my contract.  We got a "chaperone" system so that I can track Adrian next time he is lost in the woods.  At least, theoretically I should be able to.  And of course, he needs to have the phone with him and turned on.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

   

A Year of Making Art, Day 211: Folk Artist Mary Shelley

November 16, 2007  Day 211

There was snow on the ground this morning, but nothing serious.  Just enough to create a winter postcard.

In today's drawing I concentrated on the yellow-to-red-to-purple range of colors:

Drawing216500  Drawing #216  12" x 9"

Then I had a meeting with folk artist Mary Shelley, who has a wonderful new website.  She prefers to describe her art as self-taught, though I see it fitting Americana, naive, and other similar categories.  She does low-relief wood carvings and paints them with acrylic paint.  We met to plan some updates and changes for her website, as well as info on how to get an art blog started. 

Now I've got grandkids Mike and Rachel here, after picking them up from school.  Blixy will come for dinner, and this is also Jim's last night with us.  He heads back home to my sister Laura and Kansas City tomorrow.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 210: Antidote to a Profusion of Color

November 15, 2007  Day 210

I think we had our last warm day for the season yesterday, and even though it rained some, we had a lovely walk in the woods with Roxy.  Today it is colder and raining, with forecasts of snow later.

In today's drawing I continued the full-page, to-the-edge approach I've been using lately, but focused on blues and greens:

Drawing215500   Drawing #215  12" x 9"

I realize I'd better order some new drawing pads, since the one I'm using is almost finished, and the only other one I have is 14" x 17" which I don't think I have the stamina to fill.

The canvas I worked on today is very different from the one I did yesterday.  This canvas is softer and more narrowly focused in terms of color--from mustard yellow to brown.  I like what I have so far, but will see what I think of it tomorrow:

Canvas252500  Canvas #25  36" x 36"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 197: Using a Dry Brush

November 2, 2007  Day 197

I used a single black calligraphy pen to make today's drawing, modifying the pressure on the paper in order to get a variety of lines:

Drawing202500   Drawing #202  12" x 9"

Next, I took a hard look at Canvas 24, which I kind of liked the way it was.  But I felt it needed further defining, and used black paint with a dry brush to emphasize shapes and to strengthen lines.

Canvas243500   Canvas 24  36" x 36"

After that, I did two backgrounds, each very different from the other:

Canvas25500   Canvas 25  36" x 36"

Canvas26500  Canvas 26  36" x 36"

The rest of my day was spent in the chaos of administrative details, like trying to find a garage door company that would come on a Friday afternoon to fix our garage door.  I had a new phone line put in for my studio, but then when I was in the studio, our home phone would ring, and when I was in the house, the studio phone would ring.  What was I thinking?

Tonight we relaxed with a couple of old Tony Soprano dvds, and just as we were getting ready for bed, I remembered:  write the art blog entry for the day.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 196: Revisioning a Painting

November 1, 2007  Day 196

In this morning's drawing, I wanted to work with a full range of colors again, and I almost ended up with too much.  Some blacks and grays helped tone things down a bit, and I think it works now:

Drawing201500   Drawing #201  12" x 9"

Then I went back to work on Canvas 23, which I had left in a sorry state after my last painting session.  There was something intriguing early on in this painting, but I had obliterated that.  Today I worked to find a way back to that original feeling, perhaps in a new way.  This was definitely a struggle, trying one color and then painting over it with another, pushing and pulling until I finally felt satisfied:

Canvas234500  Canvas 23  36" x 36"

Yesterday I went to the opthalmologist and found it is time for me to have my cataracts removed.  The idea is frightening, yet it promises clear sight afterwards, and I am thrilled about that.  One eye will be operated on at the end of November, and the other a week later.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 194: What Makes a Work of Art Valuable?

October 30, 2007  Day 194

In this morning's drawing, I began with several distinct, flowing lines gracefully moving across the page.  At a certain point, it seemed enough.  But it wasn't enough.  How could I stop so early in the process?  I hestitated for a moment, not wanting to lose the grace and simplicity evident on the page.  But I continued to work, and now there is nothing left of the inspired start.

I begin to understand why some artists, later in life, simplify their work.  It might be enough then to accept a gift of grace, whereas a younger artist keeps pushing in hopes of mastering the form, indelibly imprinting it with her personality.

I am not a young artist any more, yet I push.  On occasion, however, I see the grace and stop.

Not this morning:

Drawing199500  Drawing #199  9" x 12"

Is it the Puritan work ethic that makes us think a work of art is not valuable unless it has been forged through intense concentration, passion, sweat, and hours of labor?  If it comes too easily, do we value it less?

I have been acting like a young artist with a death sentence, one with limited years in which to create a lifetime's work.  I go to battle, fighting to win.  I force myself to struggle, not to accept easy resolutions, so that I can push through to something finer and more magnificent, yet unimagined.  And perhaps that is a way, too.  It still sounds glorious to me.

To accept a gift, one has to let go.  Am I ready for that?

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 135: Anxiety + Irritability

September 1, 2007  Day 135

This morning at breakfast, after I pissed Adrian off, he said, "I won't talk to you about anything personal again."  Just as he doesn't really listen to me when I want to vent, I don't listen to him either.  We are both tense.

And thus, I started this morning's drawing with black and gray, staying with it, making patterns and then adding emphasis by texturing spaces with fine lines.  I may not know what I'm doing, but within a narrow context I can work to make a drawing better.

Drawing137500   Drawing #137  11" x 14"

I'm listening to Leonard Cohen these days.  When I can't listen to anything else, I can always listen to Leonard Cohen.

Tonight we are having neighbors over for dessert after dinner.  This is our compromise, a way to have a social life without a huge obligation, like a dinner-party.  But somehow, I am just as freaked out by it.  Once again, I am "waiting for the day to be over" so I can breathe freely again.  Will I ever get past this?

One idea I had was to have friends over every weekend until I get used to it, but at what cost?

It is pitiful how sorry I'm feeling for myself right now.

Later:  I made myself paint today just to get past the crappy feelings, and it helped a lot.  Here's the progress I made on these two conavases:

Canvas202500   Canvas #20  40" x 40"

Canvas22500   Canvas #22  40" x 40"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 133: Trying a Different Approach

August 30, 2007  Day 133

Exasperated by my art rut, I toook a different approach to drawing today.  Using a plastic template, I covered the paper with circles in colors from yellow to deep purple.  Then, using a ruler, I created a pattern with lines, again in a variety of colors.  I told myself I would be happy with a pleasing design and nothing else.  The final step was filling in some of the spaces with color for emphasis.

Drawing135500   Drawing #135  11" x 14"

And finally, I got back to painting again.  I tackled canvas #19 first, adding a burnt orange and red, taking away some of the yellow and green, then adding more yellow back in, ending up drawing brown lines on the wet surface. 

Canvas192500   Canvas #19  36" x 36"

I had made two horrible backgrounds that included puke green and pink, so I tackled one of them today with strong yellow, red, and orange.  Brown lines helped break up the surface, so that it is now something I might want to work on again.

Canvas21500   Canvas #21  36" x 36"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 110: A Quest for Mindfulness

August 7, 2007  Day 110

I noticed this morning that my drawings were not coming as naturally as they were for a while.  Sometimes it is possible to be in a focused state, attuned to the process, executing strokes without seeming intention.  This, I suppose, is the state of mindfulness, a relaxed concentration that is all about the moment of making a mark and nothing else.

I tried listening to several cds in the last day or two, but this morning found R. Carlos Nakai's "Earth Spirit" of Native American flute music.  If anything should have put me into a state of mindfulness, listening to this music should have.  Yet, I found myself trying to fit into the flow of the music, not simply responding.  The drawing was forced and my head flooded with thoughts such as "try adding more texture," "emphasize the inner shapes," "go to the edge," "try circles," and so forth.

At that point I had to give up any connection with Nakai's flute and find some way into the drawing.  I began to break down the symmetry and careful lines with strong marks in a dark violet and sketch-like texturing.  I had to destroy what I had in order to find an entry into something else.

Why can't I always have a focused mindfulness when I draw?  Why must I struggle?  In my drawing, as in my life, the process continues.  Nothing can be taken for granted.  I am not in control.

Drawing111500  Drawing #111  14" x 11"

Canvas 17 is a puzzler.  Here it is at the moment:

Canvas173500  Canvas 17  40" x 40"

But I like it better upside-down:

Canvas174500  Canvas 17  40" x 40"

Adrian doesn't.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

 

A Year of Making Art, Day 100: Art as Problem Solving

July 28, 2007  Day 100

Today I realized that one thing which is consitent between my drawing and painting is the idea of problem solving.  I get some paint on the canvas, or some lines on paper, beginning not exactly randomly, but without a lot of care in their placement.  Then, at some point, I need to coerce, cajole, or charm this beginning into a form that works.

In this morning's drawing, the thick vertical blue and green lines formed an armature for the rest of the composition.  In many of my drawings, I create a strong central core that radiates out and becomes lighter at the edges.  Some of the paler random lines add a texture and counter-balance to the more deliberate lines placed later on in the process.

Drawing101500   Drawing 101  11" x 14"

Next I did some preliminary painting on canvas 16, which I now have to let dry in order to work on again.  Normally I would just paint over this immediately, but there was something about the shimmering orbs of yellow, orange and red which intrigued me.  We'll see if I can make anything of it tomorrow.

Canvas162500  Canvas 16  36" x 36"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 87

July 15, 2007  Day 87

I was paralyzed for most of yesterday afternoon and evening.  I tried to read a book, Later at the Bar by Rebecca Barry, but could not get into the stories.  Judging from the reviews I had read, I thought this would be a fun read, but all I felt during the process was more irritated that I'd spent money on it.  Don't judge this book by my review, however, as I doubt there was anything that would have pleased me yesterday.

This morning I started to have an inkling about what was going on.  I am worried about everything because a) I take myself too seriously, and b) I demand perfection.  I think it's time to reread the Zanders' book The Art of Possibility and learn its valuable lessons again.

My drawing this morning is a bit too colorful, perhaps, but I wanted to make something light and free and fun.  Not easy to do when you're down on yourself.

Drawing88500  Drawing #88  14" x 11"

I started listening to Don McLean's cd, American Pie, which was a little bit of a disappointment.  I like it, but not enough to listen to over and over.  Part of the reason I bought it was for the song Starry Starry Night about Vincent Van Gogh, but now I remember that the haunting version I had loved years ago was sung by a woman.  Anyone know who that was?

After I finished drawing, I tackled the problem canvas again.  I thought I would make some big changes in it, give myself a fresh take, but I seemed to compulsively rework what had already been started.  It was as if the image had a life of its own that refused to die.  And so, at the end of this painting session, here is where it's at:

Canvas123500_2  Canvas 12  40" x 40"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 84

July 12, 2007  Day 84

I think it is difficult to move between painting and drawing, at least for me.  I've been doing so much drawing lately, and not as much painting.  Since I have a very short memory, I had to rediscover painting again on these new canvases.

Yesterday after I worked on a "blue canvas," Adrian mentioned that it was "pleasing" and that remark halted the action for me.  But this morning I determined that I was not going to let its pleasingness stop me from getting past the blue painting I had into something stronger and more interesting.  It went through many stages, some of which I might have stopped at, but I kept plugging away until I had entirely destroyed the pleasing quality.  Then I continued, and finally, this:

Canvas132500  Canvas 12  36" x 36"

In my drawing this morning, I was determined to use the Pitt brush pens as well as the calligraphy markers.  I also wanted to be looser and more improvisational, which I think I achieved.  The Pitt pens really do work like brushes, and that's the best way to use them.

Drawing85500  Drawing #85  11" x 14"

Now I need to go clean the bathrooms because Adrian's son Owen is due to arrive today or tomorrow.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.) 

A Year of Making Art: Day 75

July 3, 2007  Day 75

We had already purchased tickets for the V.I.P. fireworks party, so even though I was beat last night, I joined Blixy and the kids for the event.  There was a barbecue, live country and western music, and the best seats in town to see the fireworks.  I was cold and tired, but enjoyed Mike and Rachel's enthusiasm, and then, the fireworks themselves.  I've always been a big fan of this ultimate light and sound show.

Recently, thanks to an artist friend, I investigated and found that the Prismacolor art markers I am using to make my drawings are not acid-free and archival.  This was pretty upsetting since I've already made over 70 drawings with them.  I will look for a fixative to help preserve them, but need to switch as soon as possible to archival-quality pens.

I just ordered a 48-color Faber-Casteli Pitt Brush Pen Set from Jerry's Artarama, and 23 colors of Zig Calligraphy WP Markers from Blick Art Supply.  Both are supposed to be acid-free and light-fast.  Meanwhile, granddaughter Rebecca (who safely arrived home in California last night) said she would love to have the Prismacolor pens, so I will send them to her when my new ones arrive.

My drawing this morning seems a little more cheerful with its splash of yellow.  I am looking forward to no houseguests for a while in order to catch up on work.  I especially need to get back to painting the commission I was working on.

Drawing76500  Drawing #76  11" x 14"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 66

June 24, 2007  Day 66

Yesterday afternoon we went to Blixy's house to tour their family dairy farm and hike in the beautiful surrounding hills.  Part of the path was steep and rocky, so I walked closely behind Adrian in case he tripped.  He did fine, though, and everyone enjoyed it even though the kids complained every twenty minutes.

Why don't children like hiking?  Is it because they would rather be playing Nintendo, or a sport with points and goals?  Is it only true for American children?  As far as I can remember, I enjoyed hiking as a child.  In fact, every day after school, my friend Anne and I would take my dog Lucky for a long walk in the woods, staying out as late as we possibly could.

Maybe children today don't like hikes because they are always supervised by adults?  One time years ago, my father wanted to know where we went on our walks, and when we showed him, he said, "I don't want you going there any more, it's too dangerous."  We promptly agreed and then continued our usual pattern, having no guilt about lying.  "What they don't know won't hurt them," was our motto concerning our parents then, and it pretty much held true.

After having dinner at Blixy's, I was exhausted by the time we got home around ten, and should have gone to bed.  But I played the card game "spoons" with the kids and that led to ping-pong in the basement.  By the time I got to bed, I was no longer tired and had to take an Ambien to get to sleep.

This morning I listened again to violinist Leila Josefowicz while drawing.  Unlike the way I was feeling--heavy-eyed and stuffy--the drawing came out crisp and light:

Drawing67500  Drawing #67  14" x 11"

After that, I finally began painting the commissioned piece.  It's going to take a long time because it consists of many steps, and each one has to dry thoroughly before doing the next one.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 55

June 13, 2007:  Day 55

Last night I had my bipolar support group meeting, and one thing I noted was that everyone there suffers from anxiety in one form or another--some with the "waking up at 4 a.m." syndrome, others with full panic attacks where they rushed to the hospital thinking they were having a heart attack.  Is anxiety a biproduct of mental illness in general?

Or is anxiety a biproduct of our age?  Other artists have mentioned here that they get anxious before giving an art talk, for example.  Any kind of public speaking will produce anxiety in most of us.  But perhaps our fast-paced life with multiple commitments, performances, and uncertainty is contributing to an epidemic of anxiety. 

If we imagine the rural agrarian life which occupied the largest part of our population before the industrial and techological revolutions, it's hard to believe that they were as anxious as we are.  I suppose they could wake up in the middle of the night worrying about getting the hay baled before bad weather set in, but I doubt the anxiety level was as high then as it is now.

We watched the documentary American Masters: Andy Warhol earlier this week.  I had had a prejedice against his work since my art-school days, but I attempted to be open-minded as I watched this mostly positive review of his life and work.  He was obviously a talented illustrator, becoming one of the top-paid commercial artists of his time.  But no matter what favorable rhetoric was spoken about his Campbell Soup Can paintings by art critics, they still did nothing for me.  His celebrity silk-screens were more interesting, though in the end their only purpose seemed to be to generate a lot of money as fast as possible.

This morning my first mark on the paper, a thick orange line, did not lend itself to an easy second or third mark.  In fact, as I added more thick lines in yellow and peach, I thought, "This is going to be one that I can't save."  But I continued, finding a way into it, and at some point I saw a hint of a primitive face.  I accented the features just for fun.

Drawing55500  Drawing #55, 14" x 11"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 54

June 12, 2007  Day 54

After the book club meeting last night, I gulped chardonnay and stuffed myself with cashews and dark chocolate.  A reaction, I think, to feeling like a phony at the meeting, stifling my personality.  I know I shouldn't say this in case anyone from the book club reads my blog, but I had always looked down on book clubs as frivolous social gatherings for unemployed housewives.  And now I have joined one!

What is the source of my discomfort?  I think it is mainly the fact of my social anxiety.  It takes a long time with any new group before I feel comfortable enough to be myself.  Otherwise I am watching everyone else and trying to fit my behavior into what I think is expected. 

The other problem is the fact that I have taught literature at a university, so the discussions at the book club can't possibly measure up to that kind of serious critical consideration.  I don't even want that.  I just want to have a reason to read a good book and to enjoy a low-key discussion about it.

Or did I join this book club because they agreed to read my book, The Bipolar Dementia Art Chronicles?

This morning I was not as hung-over as I expected to be, but chastised myself for not having more self-control.  Nevertheless, my drawing this morning is a light, playful piece in soft greens.

Drawing54500  Drawing #54  14" x 11"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 52

June 10, 2007   Day 52

Adrian and I did go on a walk yesterday after all.  He had planned to bring the dog with us, but Roxy was unavailable, so we went by ourselves.  A couple of times on difficult uphills, Adrian stumbled and I had to grab him.  He was careful along the cliff edges, but I realized that this Monkey Run trail was probably not a good choice for him.  In his eighty-first year, Adrian's balance seems to be getting worse.  That doesn't stop him from biking and hiking in the woods, though, and periodically he comes home bleeding from a fall.

I'm not sure about this morning's drawing.  I turn the music on automatically now, because it helps me to get started.  But for some reason I began with a large yellow circle drawn with a wide marker, and that set the stage for what followed.  I think it was better at one point, but I kept going, and this is the result.

Drawing52500  Drawing #52, 14" x 11"

Another lazy day watching the French Open tennis finals.  Roger Federer and Raphael Nadal put on a better show than the women did yesterday, taking it to four sets, yet neither one seemed to be playing their best.  This was Nadal's third consecutive win.

Now that I have frittered away most of this day, I may as well take it easy for the remainder and start tomorrow fresh.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 51

June 9, 2007  Day 51

I got up early this morning and went straight to the drawing board after getting a cup of coffee.  I wanted to finish my drawing early so I could watch the French Open women's tennis final at 9 a.m.  I was stuck for a moment in the drawing and got as far as two thick black lines, when I turned on the music and everything went well after that.

Drawing51500  Drawing #51, 14" x 11"

The tennis was a disappointment, as the 19-year-old Serbian Anna Ivanovich evidently became nervous about being in her first grand slam final and did not play well at all against Justine Henin, who easily won her fourth French Open title, the third one in a row.

I finally started stretching canvases today, a job I don't care for.  But I like painting on the canvases that I make rather than purchasing ready-mades, so I'm stuck with this job.  It's a beautiful day, and a Saturday, so I feel we should get out and do something.

Adrian and I used to take walks on weekends, exploring the abundant trails in the area.  But he seems happier walking our neighbor's dog these days, and when we walk together, he has to go much slower than I like to.  His balance is getting worse, too, so I hate to take him on any walks near a cliff edge.

Why can't I just go for a walk by myself?  I don't know.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 50

June 8, 2007  Day 50

It is driving me mad that my ranking in Google keeps slipping, and I can't help myself from compulsively diddling with my website to "fix it."  I'm back to the morning's routine of checking email, stats, and Google ranking first, and then making art.  One of the drawbacks of working at a home studio is that the work of art making is not kept separate from the rest of my life.

I used to have my painting studio separate from my office, but now they are all in the same space, so I can jump on the computer even between brushstrokes if I want to!  I don't actually do that--once I start drawing or painting, I try not to let anything interfere with the process.  But I could be more vigilant.

Yesterday I picked up grandkids Mike and Rachel, who did not want to participate in the same activities, so I played badminton with Mike and Cadoo with Rachel.  Later Rachel showed us seven origami parakeets she had made, each one smaller in size than the previous one.  Rachel is the youngest, yet better than any of us at making these origami birds, which made me realize how important it is for us to have something we excel at.

I needed Judy Carmichael's jazz music again this morning in order to get started with my drawing.  And then it came easy.

Drawing50500  Drawing #50, 14" x 11"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 49

June 7, 2007  Day 49

Adrian left this morning without a word and without breakfast.  Then I remembered that Thursdays are Compos Mentis days, when he volunteers at the farm in the morning.  I heard from Carole Stone, the director of the program, that all the ladies there like him.  Typically during the week, the volunteers are women.

At breakfast I was reading this past Sunday's New York Times Magazine, and saw a short piece about Damien Hirst's latest artwork:  a skull encrusted in diamonds.  After watching the movie, Blood Diamond with Leonardo DiCaprio about the diamonds mined in West Africa to finance terrorism, the skull as repository for diamonds seemed apt.  Riches  have always been associated with death, but now the connection is literal as well as metaphorical.

Art, I think, is also fascinated with death.  It is a song of death or life, and the circle that connects them.  As I move closer to the degree of death on this circumference, I can almost imagine that life and death are one. 

This morning when I faced the blank drawing pad, I could not bear the silence.  Judy Carmchael's jazz rhythms helped me to begin, and I was able to find the looseness that I always seek.

Drawing49500  Drawing #49, 14" x 11"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 48

June 6, 2007  Day 48

Traveling seems to take more and more out of us as we get older, and the effects are exacerbated by other conditions, like my bipolar disorder.  I didn't really "wake up" yesterday until 7 or 8 pm.  Then we stayed up late watching a dumb movie, Deja Vu.  It was a kind of terrorist-plot futuristic thriller with Denzel Washington, and the suspense really built up at the end, compelling us to watch.

This morning I find myself still out of it, but I have learned to just start my drawing anywhere and not make a fuss about it.  No matter how unlikely the beginning seems, eventually I forget what I'm doing and get into the process.

Drawing48500  Drawing #48, 14" x 11"

The reception for Monkdogz Urban Art is tomorrow night, and in some corner of my brain I want to jump in the car and go.  But realistically, I know I don't have the energy to take another trip when I haven't yet recuperated from the last one.  Better to get my life in order, keep my moods under control, take a brisk hike in the woods with my neighbor today.  Think mental health.

How boring!

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)