Abstract Art Blog

A Year of Making Art, Day 129: Making Bad Art to Get to the Good Art

August 26, 2007  Day 129

Bored, restless, irritated and burned out is how I felt when I started this morning's drawing.  First, I looked at yesterday's effort:  Ugh.  I don't want to do that again, I thought, so I started with a bright red, my favorite color.  But the composition went nowhere and pretty soon, even color couldn't save this attempt.

   Drawing #131  11" x 14"

How much bad art do I have to make in order to get to the good art?  Yesterday's painting session revealed another weird result.  I was still painting over an old canvas, trying to get the new to merge with the old, and ended up here:

  Canvas 18  40" x 40"

This painting originally looked like this:

  Canvas 18 in a prior life 

Everything I've been doing lately has been doomed to failure.  Yesterday I took some short test videos with my Nikon Coolpix 8700 digital camera, and could not get them to play back on my computer.  In the process, I messed up the camera settings I usually use to photograph paintings for my website and blog. 

After struggling with the impenetrable manual for an hour or two, I gave up.  Pushing buttons too fast without thinking has gotten me into trouble before, and I'm sure it will  in the future.  I tackled the manual again this morning, and I think I've got it fixed now.  But I still can't get any software on my computer to read the video files correctly.  Yet a year ago I made several videos that work fine.  What am I doing wrong?

Adrian suggested I ask Stan Bowman, my printmaker, for help.  "Isn't he an expert photographer?"

"Yeah," I said.  "Maybe as a last resort."

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 100: Art as Problem Solving

July 28, 2007  Day 100

Today I realized that one thing which is consitent between my drawing and painting is the idea of problem solving.  I get some paint on the canvas, or some lines on paper, beginning not exactly randomly, but without a lot of care in their placement.  Then, at some point, I need to coerce, cajole, or charm this beginning into a form that works.

In this morning's drawing, the thick vertical blue and green lines formed an armature for the rest of the composition.  In many of my drawings, I create a strong central core that radiates out and becomes lighter at the edges.  Some of the paler random lines add a texture and counter-balance to the more deliberate lines placed later on in the process.

   Drawing 101  11" x 14"

Next I did some preliminary painting on canvas 16, which I now have to let dry in order to work on again.  Normally I would just paint over this immediately, but there was something about the shimmering orbs of yellow, orange and red which intrigued me.  We'll see if I can make anything of it tomorrow.

  Canvas 16  36" x 36"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 70

June 28, 2007  Day 70

Yesterday afternoon Rebecca said she would like an art lesson, so I repositioned my painting table and easels in order for us both to be able to paint at the same time.  Mind you, I haven't painted along with another person since art school.

Rebecca is twelve and has always been interested in art.  For the past three years she has been taking oil-painting classes on Saturday afternoons, where they basically teach her how to copy other paintings and posters.  In the process, she is learning a lot about technique.

Since I paint with acrylics, most of my lesson yesterday was focused on the various effects one can get with them, and the differences between acrylics and oils.  We painted on water-color blocks so that we could work quickly and not worry about ruining a canvas.  I was pleased to see that Rebecca had confidence in her own choices and did not attempt to copy what I was doing.

At the end of our session, Rebecca had completed one painting she hated, one interesting "abstract flower" with drips, and one with a very nice Georgia O'Keefe feel to it.  I completed three paintings, one of which I was quite pleased with:

  Open, Seeking 18" x 24" acrylic on paper

And then we noticed it was almost six o'clock.  We had been painting all afternoon.

This morning we are leaving for Canada, so naturally I feel rushed.  But I am still in a blue-green mood, and did a small drawing in those colors:

  Drawing #71  9" x 6"

Blixy will pick us up around ten this morning, so I'd better go pack.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

 

A Year of Making Art: Day 37

May 26, 2007:  Day 37

My grandmother was an expert paper-flower maker, creating incredibly accurate and beautiful roses, dogwood, and many others.  She would spend hours trying to teach me her craft, but I would become bored and impatient, and when she was not around, I'd take a short-cut and create a simpler, more abstract variation instead.

My father always belittled my grandmother's paper flowers, saying he preferred real flowers or nothing in the house.  I learned the same prejudice, even as I recognized my grandmother's talent and envied it.

My mother loved flowers, and spent her life trying to coax them from the earth, not very successfully.  I resisted work in the garden because of my spider phobia and general fear of bugs flying or crawling.

A neighbor just gave me a small jack-in-the-pulpit to plant because I had admired them in the woods on our walks.  The pot has been sitting on the sink in my studio for several days.  It needs to be planted.  I must find a shady, moist place for it in the back yard, perhaps near the stream that dries up in the summer.  I hope I do it soon.

This morning's drawing is a reflection of my mother's love of flowers, my grandmother's paper creations, and my own abstractions.  But it fails at being truly floral beause I began it in a more non-objective way and then couldn't seem to turn it fully one way or the other.

  Drawing #36, 11" x 14"

I painted some abstract flowers a couple of years ago at the urging of an art dealer, but I am ambivalent about them:

  Abstract Flower Six 

  Floral Seven

  Abstract Flower Five   

Yesterday afternoon we did set up the badminton net in between thunder and light sprinklings of rain.  We were interrupted when Michael, eleven, got stung in the chest and belly by some bug we were unable to identify.  After tending to his bites, we went back out and completed the task.  Rachel, eight, joined us to play until the thunder and rain came again.  After dinner, Blixy joined us in a game.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 29

This morning, out of the blue, I have an overwhelming sense of foreboding.  Blue and lavender are the colors I used to express these feelings in a drawing.  Listening to Judy Carmichael did not help to lift my mood.  I printed the words as I thought them:  "Sense of foreboding."  "Who am I?" "Death, Life." "So tired."

At seventeen, looking into the mirror in my dorm room at the University of Southern California, I asked, "Who am I?"  I had become disassociated from my self for the moment.  When I told a good friend and she, frightened, reported it to the dorm mother, I quickly shaped up.  I did not want the dorm mother meddling in my private affairs.

Earlier in my teens I had written a typical teen angst poem that asked, "Who am I?"  But to still be asking that question at sixty-five?!

The first line I wrote on the drawing was "tools of the trade," because I was feeling that these pens I am using will not allow me to express myself adequately.  I longed for other tools.  And I wondered how the tools we use constrict our lives and our expressions of our lives.

Here's the drawing.  Nothing much.

  Drawing #28

All is going well in my life, so where did this mood come from?  Am I beginning to be anxious already about the upcoming exhibits in June?  It's way too early for that!

Why am I always waiting for things to be over?  I gobble up my life in this waiting.

And now I will try to finish Canvas #9.

Later:  Yes, I did destroy the painting Adrian liked yesterday.  And then I kept working.  And now I have this one:

  Canvas #9, now "Culmination"

And now I will go on with my "to do" list and ignore this mood.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 28

May 17, 2007  Day 28

Yesterday evening we went to an art opening at King Ferry Winery in King Ferry, New York, about twenty miles north of us along Cayuga Lake.  My friend Stan Bowman was having a solo show there.

In general, I don't believe in exhibiting art in places like wineries, restaurants, banks, etc., because people go to wineries to drink, restaurants to eat, and banks to get money.  They are not going to these places to look for art.  It's hard enough to sell a painting in a gallery, no less a venue that is not designed to attract art lovers.

There are always exceptions, however.  First, for any beginning artist, these places provide an opportunity to show your work and to begin to assemble a resume.  Even for experienced artists, sometimes you'd just like to see your art in an exhibit somewhere.

Second, the quality of the exhibition space and attention paid to the art vary greatly from one winery, bank, or restaurant to another.  If the owner provides a separate gallery space and helps to promote the art, then the artist will have a better experience.

How would I rate the King Ferry Winery?  They definitely helped promote the artist, including providing food and wine tasting for a reception, but the exhibition space was just fair--better than many I've seen, but not great.  Perhaps that's because their main business is, after all, selling wine.

This morning I tried something different:  I listened to music while I made my drawing instead of working quietly like I usually do.  The cd was Old Friends by jazz musician Judy Carmichael.  The result is a much more improvisational sketch with a lot of movement.

  Drawing #27, 14" x 11"

Next, I continued to work on Canvas #9, carefully filling in the small shapes I'd drawn with washes in shades blended from yellow to deep red.  When I stopped for the day, I did not consider the painting finished, but I liked what I had so far.  Adrian thinks it is "done" and said, "You can try to improve it or ruin it."  I'll see what I think tomorrow morning.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 27

Yesterday afternoon I made my final choices of the ten paintings for the Hopper House Art Center show in Nyack this June:

  Agrarian Compass, 40" x 40"

  Always Forward, 36" x 36"

  Green Here and There, 36" x 36"

  Green Is Good, 40" x 40"

  Hope, 36" x 36"

  Illumination, 36" x 36"

  Life Cluster, 40" x 40"

  Pleasure Palace, 36" x 36"

  Tower of Song, 40" x 40"

  Triangle Pose, 36" x 36"

This morning I attempted a drawing in the style of the Improv paintings, although of course, I had to translate the method to fit this medium.  It was an interesting experiment, though the result didn't have the impact of the paintings.

  Drawing #26, 14" x 11"

Next, I continued work on Canvas #9, experimenting with colored lines radiating out from cadmium yellow, through the oranges, to red.  Then I drew black circles, and that's all I can do on it today because these lines will have to dry first.

  Canvas #9

Finally, I tackled Canvas #8, which I liked, but Adrian and Blixy thought was unfinished.  I added some carefully selected feathered black lines, and that's really all I want to do to it.  I like it this way.

    Canvas #9, now "Apple of My Eye" 48" x 48"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)      

A Year of Making Art: Day 26

May 15, 2007  Day 26

When I was at Cooper Union School of Art & Architecture in the early 60s, I made an optical art (op-art) painting in design class.  Instead of my usual expressionist style of working, I painstakingly filled in tiny spaces with carefully mixed colors in order to create the visual effects of a floating sphere.  This painting was chosen for the end-of-year show, and I liked it enough to hang it later on the ceiling of my "pad," which I had painted black.  I think I left it there when I moved.

The drawing I did this morning was inspired by that piece.  It's interesting how things that happen to us in our youth remain to influence us the rest of our lives.

  Drawing #25, 14" x 11"

Next, I tackled canvas #7, which would take a lot, I knew, to bring together into a cohesive whole.  This, too, required the painstaking filling in of shapes formed by lines I'd made earlier.  I started with the pale yellow-greens I'd used in the Improv paintings, then added washes of cadmium yellow, rose red, and a deeper green.  The rose red began to bring it together, and the dark green did the final trick.

   Canvas #7, now called "Birdsong"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.) 

A Year of Making Art: Day 25

May 14, 2007  Day 25

I was thinking this morning about Saturday's visit to two local art galleries.  These were both group shows, and I know most of the artists exhibiting.  What I realize today is that I automatically viewed the art in judgment mode:  What is good and what is bad?  Is the work of this particular artist exhibited today better or worse than the work they've exhibited in the past?  I was continually comparing and critiquing rather than enjoying what was in front of me.

Would it be possible to change the rules of the game and simply experience each piece of art for what it was?  I'm not sure, but the experiment could be worth it.  I make a note to try it next time.

I haven't been satisfied with my drawings lately (another judgement).  They seem too controlled and I am trying too hard.  In the middle of this morning's drawing, which I chose to do all in black lines, I wrote the words I was thinking, incorporating them into the design.  The purpose was to free myself up.  By stating a fear or misgiving, putting it out there, it loses some of its power.

I realize I am still trying to make the perfect drawing, the perfect painting, to show you so that you will say, "Bravo!"  This takes so much energy.

  Drawing #24, 11" x 14"

It is definitely more playful, but not something I would say, "Bravo" to.

Over the weekend I asked Adrian and Blixy for their opinions on Canvas #8.  I still like it, but they both thought it was "unfinished."

  Canvas #8

I worked on the other two canvases today, using the "Improv" painting method on #7, and continuing the background on #9:

  Canvas #7

  Canvas #9

Canvas #7 now looks like it will be impossible to save.  Tomorrow will tell.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)    

A Year of Making Art: Day 23

May 12, 2007 Day 23

I'm going to live!  Naturally I feared the worst when I went to the urologist yesterday, and sensing my nervousness, Adrian came along to keep me company.  "If I throw up or something from the pain," I said, "you can drive me home."

The nurse's description was pretty scary:  most women, she said, report that it feels like someone pinching the flesh on your arm.  I couldn't actually imagine how that would feel "down there" in my urethra.  My sister Laura and I always kid about how Mom would refer to any aspect of the female reproductive system as "down there."

In any case, the nurse continued her description by pointing out that in some cases, the procedure would be much more painful:  if the urethra was narrowed or had scar tissue.  Then she left me for thirty minutes lying on the table with my legs spread open to contemplate which levels of pain I might experience.

What if I can't stand it and scream out, I thought.

What if it hurts so bad that I can't lie still?  Will they have someone hold me down?

I was one of the lucky ones--three minutes of "discomfort" (I wouldn't describe it as a pinched arm, myself, but now my arm is black and blue from pinching it to see how that felt.)  And best of all, a report that bladder and urethra are fine.

I felt light and airy the rest of the day.

Maybe that's why I used pinks and purples to draw with today, making a valentine to someone, the urologist, perhaps?

  Drawing #22, 11" x 14"

After that, I continued work on canvas #7, adding lines of various colors.

  Canvas #7

Then, having only one blank canvas left, I started the first layer of background.

  Canvas #9

Tomorrow Blixy and the kids (Mike, 11, and Rachel, 8) are coming for breakfast, so I'd better get up early to make my drawing.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)    

A Year of Making Art: Day 22

May 11, 2007 Day 22

I think my drawing has become too cerebral.  I keep trying to think about what I should do next instead of just doing it.

  Drawing #21, 14" x 11"

I knew I had to paint today since I have been putting it off.  Even though I had the background painted, it was still like starting from scratch because whatever steps I took today would decide the final direction of the painting.  Or at least narrow the possible outcomes.

Interestingly, my painting was much looser today than my drawing.  I went with the overall flow present in the background, emphasizing some colors and de-emphasizing others.  I drew loosely with brown umber and white, and then blended those lines.  The white was too white, so I made a thin wash of very pale grey-green, more like an off-white, and used that to blend circles of brown umber lines.  I added more dark red wash for emphasis, and then stood back.  The canvas has a wonderful looseness about it now.

  Canvas #8

Daughter Blixy called.  She had been trying to get through earlier, but Adrian left one of the phones off the hook.  Is it time to get a separate phone for my studio?

Blixy wants to take me to a spa on Mother's Day for a massage.  Sounds great!

Now I just have to get through a doctor's appointment this afternoon which is bound to be uncomfortable.  It is embarrassing to write about, but I promised to be open:  the urologist will use a scope to examine my urethra.  Ugh.  My sister Laura suggested I ask for some valium to get through it.  "I can't do that," I said, "I have to drive.  I'll be fine."

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)   

A Year of Making Art: Day 21

May 10, 2007 Day 21

It was very nice to have Typepad feature my blog this week.  Recognition is always appreciated!

Lately in my dreams I am seeing the colors and shapes of drawings and paintings, as if I were making art in my sleep.  I think this has something to do with the daily nature of my art-making.  Art has become one of the rhythms of my life, like the sun rising and setting.

This morning I made a drawing in reds and browns.  I still have trouble beginning, not sure what mark to make.  But as in my painting, if I just put some lines and shapes down, then I can relax and concentrate on making something come out of the randomness into form.

  Drawing #20, 14" x 11"

After that, I had to prepare paintings for my New York show.  I can sense that I am putting off work on the two new backgrounds I've painted.  Yes, I have an excuse--lots of work to get ready for two shows coming up--and yet, I also know I am procrastinating.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.) 

A Year of Making Art: Day 20

May 9, 2007 Day 20

Today I was nervous because I have a doctor's appointment at 11 am.  That means there will be no time to paint this morning.  I just finished an 11" x 14" drawing in blues and greens with a touch of tuscan red.  You have to be careful when mixing red with greens so that you don't end up with Christmas.  I seem to be better able to control this effect in my paintings than the drawings.

  Drawing #19, 11" x 14"

Well, after getting back from the doctor's office, I heard from Bob Hogge at Monkdogz Urban Art in New York.  He does want the two new Improv paintings I made for him to be in the June show, plus Talking Dog.  Here they are:

  Improv, 44" x 44"

  Improv Two, 44" x 44"

  Talking Dog, 40" x 40"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)   

A Year of Making Art: Day 19

May 8, 2007 Day 19

After a fairly good night's sleep (woke up 3 or 4 times, but was able to go back to sleep quickly), I felt fresh and worked on a 14" x 11" drawing today, using mostly browns, blacks and grays:

  Drawing #18, 14" x 11"

A reader asked me to explain what I am using to make these drawings.   Several years ago I bought a set of 120 Prismacolor permanent art markers, each with a wide tip on one end and a fine tip on the other.  These allow me the choice of almost "painting" with the wide tip, or drawing fine lines with the other end.  I had felt guilty for years about not using them.  Amazingly, they did not dry out.

One thing about artists is that we love art supplies.  I almost drool when wandering around an art supply store.  I would love to buy it all and just "play."  That's one fun thing about being a grandmother--I get to use the art and craft supplies I used as a child, plus some new ones, and just play again rather than making "serious art."

After finishing my drawing, I painted another layer of background on the two 44" x 44" canvases I had started before my trip to Maryland.  I managed to use up three almost-empty tubes of paint, which was satisfying.  Growing up in a poor family with five siblings, we could not afford to waste anything.  Using up leftovers--whether they are food or paint--is somewhat of a compulsion.

  Canvas #7

  Canvas #8

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)   

A Year of Making Art: Day 18

May 7, 2007 Day 18

I had so much on my plate this morning that I didn't get a chance to draw until almost noon.  I was going to put it off until after lunch, but I'm glad I didn't because since lunch I've been a zombie!  That's what traveling does to me. 

Drawing #17, 6" x 8"

How did this drawing end up looking like a Christmas tree???!

It is now 4:45 pm and I haven't started painting yet.  At this point, I'm going to give myself permission to put it off until tomorrow.

On a happier note, I have been getting amazing comments and email from people reading my blog and championing my project.  They want me to be me, warts and all!  Thank you, all who have written.  Your words encourage me to keep this project alive.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.) 

A Year of Making Art: Day 16

May 5, 2007  Day 16

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

I am writing this blog from the Holiday Garden Inn in Owings Mills, Maryland.  We got in town at 2:30 yesterday afternoon.  This morning I made my drawing without even having a cup of coffee first!

   Drawing #15, 8" x 6"

My stepson Eric will pick us up at 9 to go for breakfast.  Then we'll probablhy hike, visit his office, and relax.  I brought my good camera with me in order to take photos of my paintings in his new condo.

Eric has always been  a fan of my art, so over the years he's accumulated a number of pieces.  He would take a rolled-up painting I was no longer interested in, or relieve me of extra inventory when we were moving.  For the new condo, he hired an interior designer to help decorate, with the instructions that everything should revolve around my art.

When we walked into his place yesterday, I was stunned.  The paintings looked absolutely fabulous in new $400 frames and lit up by track lighting.  His walls were painted a shade of tan that set off the art perfectly.  I hope my photos come out, and if they do, I'll post them here.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 15

May 4, 2007  Day 15

I am so nervous!

I rushed through this morning's drawing so I could get ready for our five hour drive to Maryland.  I felt nervous, hot, and on edge. 

  Drawing #14, 6" x 8"

I think it's more than the trip that makes me nervous.  Today I published the first of my "A Year of Making Art" blogs.  I am nervous about the reaction,  or non-reaction, to this project.  I am nervous about fulfilling my commitment.  I am nervous about putting myself out there, on the line.

I am both an exhibitionist and agoraphobic:  I want to stand on the stage and gather applause, and to hide in my house and see no one.

A road trip is probably just what I need.  Better go packing.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 14

May 3, 2007 Day 14

In my drawing today, I decided to use only the fine points of the pens rather than the broad ends, which are useful for filling in color and making broad lines.  The fine lines gave this drawing a delicate look:

  Drawing #13, 11" x 14"

After that, I took a long hard look at my last canvas and decided I would leave it the way it is, even though it is very different from anything else I've done:

  Canvas #3

The only thing left to paint were three blank canvasses.  I started the backgrounds on two of them:  dabbing small amounts of color randomly across the canvas, and then blending it in with a wash.  I wanted these to be light and airy, so I used a lot of white paint and plain water for the wash. 

Yesterday afternoon I emailed the Improv painting images to Monkdogz Urban Art to see if they wanted to put them in the June show, but I haven't heard anything yet.  My paranoid fantasy is that they don't want me in the show any more.  If I don't hear from someone immediately, I assume I'm being rejected.

We are going to drive to Owings Mills, Maryland (near Baltimore) tomorrow to visit Adrian's son Eric.  I will bring my drawing supplies, and try to make one drawing before we leave.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 13

5/2/07 Day 13

Today I made another 11" x 14" drawing:

  Drawing #12, 11" x 14"

I felt I caould have kept working on this one, but that if I did, I would lose what I had, and I didn't want to do that.

Then I signed the two Improv paintings and finished off the top and bottom edges.  I will photograph them later and send the images to Monkdogz Urban Art to see if they want one of them in the June show.

After that I went back to work on canvas #3.  It's exciting at this point, but I may be going too far and have to pull back on the color.  Here it is as I stopped work on it today:

  Canvas #3

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)   

A Year of Making Art: Day 12

5/1/07 Day 12

Today I started a new 11" x 14" drawing pad.  What I find happening when I draw is that the first strokes are the hardest.  Where should I begin?  With what color?  But once I've got it started, then drawing becomes a meditation.  I am totally absorbed, and peacefully adding one line after the next.

When I paint, I listen to loud music, but I like it quiet when I draw.  I have no idea why this is, but the drawing is restorative and gentle.  I sit on a stool at my drafting table, whereas when I paint, I am standing up and moving back and forth to look at the painting and then take action.

  Drawing 11, 14" x 11"

Next I went to work on the second Improv painting.  I thinned the yellow and green first, and added more green to the yellow, so that there was just a slight difference between the two shades.  After filling in the outlined shapes with these washes, I saw that this application had been much more successful than the previous canvas had been.  These washes complimented what was there, and I'm ready to sign the canvas.

  Improv, 44" x 44"

After that, I tackled the first Improv canvas, which did not work at all since I had added the strong green and yellow.  I felt that more orange-yellow was needed in the background, so I filled in some areas with an orange wash.  The color seemed too strong at first, so I thinned it down and used it on more areas of the background.  Then I could see I needed some yellow, too, and used a thin wash on the rest of the background.  Eventually, it all came together.

  Improv Two, 44" x 44"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

 

A year of Making Art: Day 11

4/30/07 Day 11

Today I took a bold step and made a 9" x 12" drawing:

   Drawing #10

After that, I painted the next layer on one of the Improv canvasses, which required mixing two colors, a pale green wash and a pale yellow wash with a tint of green.  I think my yellow was too yellowy, and the green was too dark, but they were pretty close.  After I filled in all the shapes I thought I should, the painting looked much different.  I realized then that I should have thinned the washes even more. 

I'm not sure what I will do next, because at this point I have to do what this painting needs, not try to make it look like Night at the Improv.

Then I had to quit painting for the day and run errands, clean the bathrooms, and get ready for an artists' group meeting that I have at my studio once a month.  These are all local artists trying to make a living from their art, and we discuss art marketing issues.  Too often  artists are isolated, trying to figure it out for themselves.  In the end we do all have to make our own decisions and find our own paths, but it's great to get other people's ideas and support. 

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 10

4/29/07 Day 10

Our time at the Compos Mentis farm yesterday was low-key and very pleasant.  It was lightly drizzling, but we were wearing our rain gear.  We helped tie up old cds on strings and attached them to lines placed around the half-acre garden in order to scare away deer.  Blixy and the kids (grandchildren Mike and Rachel) came after a while and we took a walk later to the top of the hill where there were two ponds and a beautiful tree house built by the Cayuga Nature Center.

So what was the point in my being so anxious before this event?  None.

Once again I started out slowly this morning, perhaps because it's Sunday and I felt entitled to relax over breakfast and read the New York Times Magazine.  Here's drawing #9, 6" x 8":

  Drawing #9

Then I went to work on the two Improv canvasses, adding lines that will later be partially filled in.  That step will determine whether or not these paintings succeed.  Finally, I worked on Canvas #3.

Strangely, the more I paint, the less I seem to "know" about how to do it.  That is, I cannot put it into words.  What is important is to just keep painting, and through that activity, things begin to happen.  It doesn't even seem to matter what my mood is when I do it, or whether it comes hard or easy.  The doing is what matters.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 9

4/28/07 Day 9

Today I am anxious and irritable because we are going to a farm this afternoon to help other volunteers prepare it for a program called Compos Mentis (Latin for "in control of your mind").  This new non-profit organization will be providing a day program for six months of the year where young people diagnosed with bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and other mental illnesses will be able to work outdoors planting, harvesting, and maintaining trails under the supervision of staff and trained volunteers (see Compos Mentis website).  A good friend of mine started Compos Mentis, fulfilling a years' long dream of hers.  How could I not volunteer?

Because of my anxiety, I didn't sleep well and got up late.  Then Adrian started a blender full of orange juice without putting it together correctly and orange juice poured all over everything.  He always uses bath towels to mop up these messes, which irritates me.  I pointed out that he needed to use water to clean it up because it would be sticky, but as soon as I made this comment, he went off in a huff.  Why do I always tell him how to do things?  Maybe because, when I sat down at the dining room table yesterday, my feet got stuck in a sticky mess he hadn't cleaned up properly?

Whenever I lash out at Adrian, I know it is because of my own anxiety.

I put off making my morning drawing by futzing around with minor computer tasks.  I decided I would not paint today, but just do the drawing since we were going to the farm. 

Needing to be easy on myself, I did another 6" x 8":

  Drawing #8

Then I thought I might as well do the next step on the Improv paintings, since it wouldn't take long and this step has to dry before I can work on them again.  They looked much better after I finished:

  Canvas 5

  Canvas 6

After that, I signed my name to canvas #4 and did a little work on canvas #3. 

I'll feel much better after I come back from the farm because no matter how it goes, at least it will be over. 

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 8

4/27/07 Day 8

Here's my drawing for today:

   Drawing 7

I am still working in the 6" x 8" format.

Before I could start making art today, I had to select digital images to send to Hopper House Art Center in Nyack, New York, where I'll be in a 3-person show of abstract art this June.  I was hoping to have heard from Bob Hogge at Monkdogz by now so I could eliminate his choices from the ones I send to Hopper House.  But, alas, I have not heard from him yet, so I just chose four that I didn't think Bob would want, but that I would like to exhibit.

I hate the whole process of selecting art for shows and trying to figure out: a) what the curator/director will like, and b) what visitors to the shows will want to buy.  Usually if I'm given a choice, I pick my favorite pieces, but they are often not the favorites of anyone else.

I still like Canvas #4 (see previous post), but have to study it again before I sign it.  It came about so strangely and quickly that I don't want to fall in love with it too fast. 

After I finished working on the two Improv canvasses today, I realized I had used too much light yellow cadmium and left out orange-yellow.  Do I have the energy to go back and put it in now and have to wash my brushes and clean up all over again?  If I don't, I will delay the painting another day because this layer has to dry before I can do the next step.

Yes, I go back and add the orange-yellow.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 7

4/26/07 Day 7

Today I made another 6" x 8" drawing, keeping the scale small in order to ease myself into art for the day.

  Drawing #6

Next I went to work on the backgrounds of the two canvasses I'm hoping will come close to Night at the Improv (see previous post).  Unfortunately, on the first one I mixed up two tubes of paint:  phthalo blue and purple.  There was supposed to be only a tiny bit of purple and much more blue, but now that's reversed.  After catching the error, I did it right on the second canvas:

  Canvas 5 (too much purple)

  Canvas 6

Meanwhile, I did more work on another canvas I had started earlier this week.  Something very weird happened with it.  I'm not sure what to make of it, but here it is:

  Canvas 4

After that, I was done for the day, avoiding tackling this one:

  Canvas 3   

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 6

4/25/07 Day 6

Facing the blank drawing paper again, I decided to use a smaller piece of paper, downsizing from 9" x 12" to 6" x 8". 

I just started reading a book Blixy gave me: The Art of Possibility by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander, the conductor of the Boston Philharmonic.  A few of the great ideas I found in it so far:

Rule #6, which is, "Don't take yourself so d***ed seriously!"  This is my favorite, because I am always taking myself too seriously. 

Another good one is:  Contribute, as in "make a contribution."  The point of this one is that instead of pressure concepts like "winning" and "being first," making a contribution is a lot less stressful.  I don't need to paint a masterpiece, all I need to do is to make a contribution.

Well, I have a long way to go in changing my basic attitude about life and what I'm doing with my work.  But I think this book might help nudge me in a better direction.

Here's the drawing I made today:

  Drawing #5

This morning I got an email from my New York gallery, Monkdogz Urban Art, where I'll be in a group show this June.  They want me to send Night at the Improv, a painting that I've already sold.  However, that's the image they put in their Gallery Guide announcement, and in a new marketing brochure they're having printed.  I had told Bob Hogge, the gallery director, that this painting was sold a couple months ago, but I guess he forgot.

I wrote and told them the painting was no longer available, but then I got the idea that I should paint another one like it.  I often do that on a commission basis when someone wants a painting that is already sold.  I use the same style and colors to create the new one, which will not be a duplicate, but in the same family.

So that's what I did next.  I printed out a photo of Night at the Improv and used it as a guide to start painting.  It won't be easy to imitate because it is extremely improvisational, airy and light, and the things I did in it should not necessarily have worked except that they all came together in the right way.  There's no guarantee the new one will work the same way, but I am doing two canvasses in order to double the chances.

  Night at the Improv

The other problem is that the original was 60" x 60" and I'm working on 44" x 44" canvasses.  There is no way I'm going to pay to ship a 60" x 60" canvas to New York.  In fact, I'm not even painting that size any more.  I ordered stretchers 30" x 60" and will paint diptyches in order to get the 60" x 60" overall dimensions. 

I used to be able to ship these large paintings via DHL Express, but they stopped taking them.  Now I either have to pack them as freight (expensive wooden boxing) or ship them via Fedex freight as an oversized box.  This costs several hundred dollars either way.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art: Day 5

4/24/07 Day 5

Daughter Blixy came over at 7 a.m. to use our shower before she goes to work.  The power was out at her house.  Just seeing her for a few minutes brightened my day.

But then it was back to the usual.  Procrastinated making art by reading email, making phone calls to fix our telephone voice-mail, making doctor's appointments, etc.  I also called my oldest brother, Bill, who turned 77 today.  We discussed the fact that so many kids in our family are talented in math and music.  Bill suggested they got it from our Czech heritage.

I finally got around to drawing, which was fairly painless once I got started.  It's making that first mark that's hard.  After that, I react to what's there.

   Drawing #4

After a little more work, I signed my second canvas, but I don't expect anyone will want to buy a painting in these colors.

  Emergence, 44" x 44"

It's been a while since I painted something that really made me feel, "wow," as in "where did this come from?"  Instead, I seem to be solving the problems of each canvas without any real excitement.  This could all be due to my general depression.  Or not.

I did some work on backgrounds today also.  I've been trying to get away from my usual pre-painting steps, but these efforts haven't led me anywhere useful.  It is so tedious to cover a whole canvas, especially a large one.  I just want to get through that step and move on.

I should probably be working on smaller canvasses when I'm in this kind of mood, but I don't have any made.  Stretchers are on order.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.) 

A Year of Making Art: Day 4

4/23/07 Day 4

I wonder why it is only when I am depressed that I think about the meaning of life?  When I'm feeling up, especially in my hypomanic (hyper, but not manic) state, I get loads of ideas and want to work on them.  It is all exciting then and I want to do things, not sit around thinking about the pupose of it all.

Lately I've been a little down, and I guess more so this morning.  As I was doing my fifteen minutes of slow-breathing exercises, I started doubting the way I am living my life, and wondering what I should replace it with.

I get up every day and work.  It has lost its taste.  But there is nothing to replace it with.  What else would I do?

Every so often I get into a self-improvement phase where I practice meditation or some other self-awareness program.    Is it time for that?

I know that if I just keep pushing through the gloom, if I keep making art, I will eventually come back out into the light.  This morning I did my obligatory drawing and used it to express these negative thoughts:  "No one likes the reds."  "I don't know what I'm doing."  And simply, "Oh."

I added another word, "inspiring," because I got an email this morning from someone who said she found my art "inspiring."  I don't feel inspired today.

   Drawing #3

After drawing, I went back to the two paintings I've been working on and was finally able to sign one of them.  I don't know if it's any good, but here it is:

  Reflection, 44" x 44"

The problem is, I should be making happy, decorative paintings for two art shows I have coming up in June.  That's what people want to buy.

(Note:  There is a gap between the  dates I'm writing and posting  because I had to give myself time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)