Abstract Art Blog

A Year of Making Art, Day 310: Depressed for No Reason

February 23, 2008  Day 310

I woke up a little depressed this morning, but have no idea why.  Things simply lost their flavor.  I made my drawing anyway, and though it's simple, I'm happy with it:

  Drawing #316  9" x 12"

After that I brought some stretchers up from the basement and started to make canvases.  I really didn't feel like it, but I did it anyway, and when I'd finished five, I felt much better.  I'll make five more tomorow, then gesso them, and I'm good to go.

Laura and Jim stopped over and wanted to go to the movies with us this afternoon, but Adrian said he couldn't disappoint Roxy (our neighbor's dog), so he took her for a walk instead.  I didn't want to go without him in case something happened while he was out in the woods.  He at least takes his cell phone with him and calls me when he's in trouble.

I invited Laura and Jim to come back for dinner, so maybe that will cheer me up.

(Note: There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 308: Light and Cheerful

February 21, 2008  Day 308

This morning's drawing is light and cheerful, in contrast to my feelings yesterday (see previous post):

  Drawing #314  12" x 9"

There isn't time to do much else, because daughter Blixy and the kids will be arriving soon.  Laura and Jim are also coming over, so we will have a house full of people and activity.  Maybe this will be just the day off that I need?

(Note: There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 307: Obsessed, Intense, Tense and Irritable

February 20, 2008  Day 307

Lately I notice myself becoming more obsessed, intense, tense and irritable.  I have totally lost perspective on life.  I go at my art business like a fiend, working all day, seven days a week, ignoring Adrian and feeling guilty, not taking the daily walks that I need for my own mental and physical health, and finding every thing and every one around me a "burden."

It's time to lighten up!

I am so fortunate to be able to be a full-time artist at this point in my life, but if I don't find a balance and perspective, I will kill the joy of it.

Maybe instead of continually adding things to my "to do" list, I should start crossing some off?  Oh, the horror, the horror!

Some of my angst came out in this drawing, done in calligraphy pens:

  Drawing #313  12" x 9"

Then I had a good talk with Adrian, and in the afternoon, a great walk with my neighbor through the snow-covered woods.  It's the walk that finally relieved my tension.  Duh!

(Note: There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 302: No Peaceful Space

February 15, 2008  Day 302

I had trouble falling asleep last night and could not find a peaceful space in my head today.  One thing that didn't help was my new Imac freezing up on me.  That was scary, but after fooling with it, I realized the problem was with the mouse.  It turned out that it just needed new batteries, but I had thought that couldn't possibly be the problem since I hadn't had it that long.  So I wasted a call to Apple tech help.

With lots of interruptions, my drawing finally got done:

Drawing #308  14" x 11"

Then I tried to figure out what to do with Canvas #34, but I'm afraid my choice is just making it worse:

  Canvas #34  48" x 48"

I did sell two paintings today, and that's always good for my mood:

Blue City, 36" x 36"

  Dancing In The Fire, 40"  x 30"

(Note: There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

 

A Year of Making Art, Day 300: Spider Phobia

February 13, 2008  Day 300

Today I used the wide tip of my Zig calligraphy pens to make criss-crossing lines across the surface of the paper.  Then I created a denser central area with finer lines and circles, finally adding texture and filling in some spaces for emphasis.

  Drawing #306  14" x 11"

Next I had to tackle Canvas #34, which was problematic because of the dark blue background.  I drew a few organic shapes in Alizarin Crimson, and then filled them in with a mixture of Alizarin Crimson, deep red, and gloss medium.  Now what do I do after this?

  Canvas #34  48" x 48"

My studio is used to capacity, but we have a huge basement that I avoid because of all the big ugly wolf spiders that live there.  This week we have a contractor filling in all the cracks between the floor and the wall (the spider's favorite hiding place).  Adrian is sorting through everything and took a huge carload to the Salvation Army and the dump.  The contractor built shelves to hold my stretchers and rolled canvases on one wall.  So maybe I'll feel comfortable enough to use this space in the future.

Warm weather will be the final test.  I've had a spider phobia all my life.

(Note: There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 299: Door Locked, Building Closed

February 12, 2008  Day 299

This morning I started with brown and tan calligraphy pens, adding fine black lines for texture and then finishing with a dark brown.

Drawing #305  14" x 11"

After that, I had to complete the top and bottom edges of Canvas #34 (see previous post).  Still, I don't now what I will do with it next.

Our bipolar support group meeting last night was canceled due to a storm.  I know a lot of people are going to miss it, including one new person I wasn't able to reach with the information.  There's nothing worse than finally getting up the nerve to go to a meeting and then finding the door locked and the building closed when you get there.

(Note: There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 297: Never Cry Wolf

February 10, 2008  Day 297

Today was a day for blues in my drawing and painting:

  Drawing #303  11" x 14"

The painting is at an early stage:

  Canvas #34  48" x 48"

When Adrian came back from his walk through the woods with Roxy, Laura said I'd better see if he needs help because his pants looked bloody.  Well, he had fallen in the woods and when I helped him get his boot off, it was full of blood, which spilled and splashed.  He wanted to use bath towels to stand on and clean up with, but the thought of bloody towels  did not appeal to me, so I used paper towels, wrapping them around his leg so he could make it to the bathroom without trailing blood behind him.

A few minutes later, I checked on him in the bathroom, which was now covered in blood.  He wanted to use regular band aids to stop the bleeding, but I put on gauze packs and tape, with Bacitracin to prevent an infection.  He's resting now.

Because Adrian's skin is so thin (he's 81 years old) and he takes anti-stroke and blood-pressure medication, he bleeds easily and profusely.  Combine that with his indefatigable determination to hike in the woods with Roxy for hours at a time, and you are bound to have a bloody mess occasionally.  The good news is that he heals fast.

Last night we watched Never Cry Wolf, a movie about a scientist studying wolves in the Arctic tundra by living among them, and Adrian said he was inspired by the lead character.

(Note: There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

 

A Year of Making Art, Day 296: A Resolution and Peace

February 9, 2008  Day 296

Today I feel much better (see previous post).  After I broke down crying, Adrian and I had a good talk, and he agreed with me about the necessity of my having some peaceful time in the studio, and keeping our "stuff" separate.  It will take some work, but at least we agree on the goal.

In this morning's drawing I started with a brown calligraphy pen, adding black, then some tans: 

  Drawing #302  11" x 14"

Then I completed Canvas #35, filling in the rest of the spaces I'd drawn with brown and dark-brown paint:

Canvas #35 48" x 48"

I finally solved the proportional problem I was having when uploading images to this blog.  By saving them in Photoshop's "web" option as a GIF file, everything worked fine.  So now my square paintings will look square again.

(Note: There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 295: Weepy All Day

February 8, 2008  Day 295

I have been weepy all day, exasperated with Adrian, unable to cope with his continual needs.  He is 81 years old.  Why don't I have more compassion?  A reader of my book recently noted how compassion can turn into exhausted resentment which it is called upon to do more than one can bear.  I am at my wits end.

I want a studio with a door that I can lock from the inside.

Two minutes ago I found water trickling off his wet boots, which he had set down next to my computer.

Yesterday he covered the entire floor and every surface in the basement, including the ping-pong table, with "stuff" he is trying to organize.  What choice did I have but to deal with it, if I ever wanted to set foot in the basement again?  That was how I spent my morning instead of drawing and painting.

I love him, but I can't take this any more.  We have to have separate spaces and he has to deal with his stuff in his spaces and leave my spaces alone.  Knock before entering.

Here is the drawing I just made, finally, at five p.m. today:

  Drawing #301  11" x 14"

(Note: There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

 

A Year of Making Art, Day 279: Drawing the Blues

January 23, 2008 Day 279

I am feeling down today and my drawing is an expression of that feeling:

Drawing #285 14" x 11"

I made some final touches on canvas #31 and signed it:

Canvas #31 36" x 36"

At our bipolar support group meeting last night, one topic that came up was that many of us had used drugs or alcohol to self-medicate before we got real help for our illness. It was also evident that no single medication worked well for everyone, and that lifestyle changes were just as important as finding the right meds. A simple step like switching from coffee to decaf or green tea can make an immense difference.

(Note: There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 277: When Your Spouse Is Depressed

January 21, 2008 Day 277

Adrian is depressed today and I can't help but think it's my fault. This is a typical reaction when a spouse is depressed. Another common reaction is wanting to escape and hang out with happy people. Typically our roles are reversed: I'm the one who's depressed and Adrian is the one who feels guilty about it.

I made a quick sketch today with a black zig calligraphy brush pen, adding some pale blue and fine-line black:

Drawing #283 11" x 14"

Then I worked on canvas #31 again, covering much of the darker blues and browns with a light blue wash. After that I drew fine yellow and blue lines, feathering them with a dry brush afterwards. Here is the sequence:

Canvas #31 background

Canvas #31 next step

Canvas #31 36" x 36"

Tonight is our art-marketing group meeting and we're going to learn how to use Apple's movie-maker on my new Imac. I am still struggling to get the new computer up-to-speed, installing software and trying to get the feel for how things work. It's always the simplest things that stump you. I know, for instance, how to move things around and deal with files on my pc, but the Imac seem to be hiding it all from me

Having been a pc user since the first one came out, will I ever feel comfortable on the Imac?

(Note: There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 256: A Series of Choices

December 31, 2007  Day 256

I feel sad and nostalgic.  Sad that at four p.m. on a beautiful sunny day with 3-4 inches of new snow on the ground, I stayed inside all day.  I just went out and shoveled the walkway and walked down to the road to pick up our mail.  Why didn't I join Adrian on his walk with Roxy?

Life is a series of choices, and I wonder how I'll feel about mine at the end.  I've never been sorry that I took time out to go for a walk, yet I still find myself inclined to spend my days inside.  I hope, when my sister Laura moves here, that will motivate me to get out more.

I was in a more cheerful mood earlier when I did this drawing, again with the black calligraphy brush pen as well as brown and gray calligraphy pens. 

  Drawing #261  11" x 14"

Then I finished the backgrounds on three new canvases.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 255: Painting Life Extended

December 30, 2007  Day 155

This morning's drawing was made with the Zig calligraphy paint pen, a fine point black pen, and a yellow calligraphy pen:

  Drawing #260  11" x 14"

Next I began the backgrounds on three new canvases.  It felt good to be painting again after such a long break since I'd had cataract surgery.  I worked without glasses, and that felt fine.  I think my eyes are beginning to be more in sync with my brain.

I notice, however, that I treat my eyes much more delicately than I did before surgery.  I am acutely aware that there is a foreign object in each eye--the implanted lens.  As our body parts are replaced (a slice of cornea, a knee or shoulder), we begin to understand in a deeper way that we are not going to live forever.  Our bodies are disintegrating, and no matter how slow the pace, the malfunction will come. 

Because of the capabilities of modern ophthalmology, I have been given an extension on my ability to see clearly.  In times past, my sight would simply have continued to deteriorate.  Thus, my painting life has been extended.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 251: "We're Still Alive!"

December 26, 2007  Day 251

Christmas day was actually quite delightful.  Cooking and baking has always been therapeutic for me, as long as I didn't feel rushed.  The pies and apple crisp turned out great, and the turkey as well.  After dinner we played round robin games of ping-pong with the kids until Gene had to go home and milk the cows.

This morning's drawing was a study in greens:

   Drawing #256  14" x 11"

Then I had to finish writing our annual Christmas letter to friends and family, which will be late this year.  It begins, "We're still alive!"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 250: A Change of Mood

December 25, 2007  Day 250

I feel much better today (see previous post), and I'm enjoying the prospect of baking pies, cooking a turkey, etc.  Owen, Adrian and I went for a hike with Roxy early this morning, and that always helps.

My drawing this morning is Christmassy in the sense that it is full of warmth and a bit gaudy.  I already put the turkey in the oven and prepared the stuffing to cook later.  Next, I'll do the baking.

   Drawing #255  14" x 11"

Of course, for my readers, it is already past Christmas.  Don't worry, the next one will roll around before you know it!

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 249: Hating the Holiday Season

December 24, 2007  Day 249

I really hate the holiday season.  Our son Eric flies to Florida by himself every year at this time in order to avoid it.  Neighbors come over with home-baked goodies--a tradition I stupidly started the year we moved here.  If family is not around, one can't help but be depressed.  If they are around, there is too much eating and drinking and not enough exercise.

My clients are testy because they don't understand why they can't get what they ordered by Christmas.  I have to get out cards to my business mailing list, write a holiday letter, and send it to our family and friends.  We are not religous people, so the holiday means nothing in that sense.  But culturally, my family has celebrated Christmas forever, and Adrian's family celebrates Hanukah.  We feel obligated to go through the motions.

Writing this makes me think I should do something different next year.  If I can't insert a sincere goodwill in my holiday cards, what's the point in sending them?  If I'm too fat and exhausted to enjoy visitors, why should I invite them?

Last night we stayed up late and slept until 10 a.m.  Groggily, I made today's drawing in browns and tans:

   Drawing #254  14" x 11"

I went out and bought a 12 pound turkey to cook tomorrow, when Blixy and her family will come to celebrate Christmas.  The holiday drummer marches on.

Next year I'm planning two weeks in a warm, exotic place where nobody knows how to spell Xmas.  Does one exist?

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 240: Feast or Famine

Yesterday afternoon I went cross-country skiing in our neighborhood with Mike and Rachel.  After falling down twice, Rachel took off her skis and spent the rest of the time running and sliding down hills on her snow pants.  Playing outside in the snow is wonderful tonic for my mental health.

We won't be spending Christmas alone after all (see previous post).  Blixy said she and her family can come.  Plus, our son Owen called today and said he will come up from Virginia to stay with us.  So instead of feeling lonely and sorry for myself, I'll probably be complaining about not having any time to work.

This morning's drawing was a struggle:

  Drawing #245  12" x 9"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 239: Holiday Stress

December 14, 2007  Day 239

In this morning's drawing, my attempt at looseness slipped into sloppy--an assortment of lines that didn't want to work together no matter how I tried to coerce them:

   Drawing #244  12" x 9"

It is ten days before Christmas, and I'm planning to be depressed at that time.  Laura and Jim will leave on the 22nd, and we have nothing planned until January 2, when we are flying to California for a week.  I will try to work during that time, but I know there will be a letdown after Laura leaves.

Adrian and I don't really make much of Christmas or New Years, so they become dead times where you try to act as if it's a normal day, but you know it's not.  I think our son Eric has the right idea--he goes to Florida every year during this time.

For anyone who is bipolar or prone to depression, the holidays are typically extra stressful, whether you spend them alone or with family.  It's good to be aware of the potential danger, and to take better care of ourselves during those times.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 232: No Patience

December 7, 2007  Day 232

The past few days I was up, and now I'm down.  After cataract surgery, my new eyes are wonderful for distance viewing, but terrible for anything up close to within sixteen inches of my face.  Yesterday I exchanged the reading glasses I'd bought from the drugstore for new ones that didn't work any better, and now I want to return those and try some others.

I won't see the opthalmologist for two weeks to have my eyes tested for a possible new prescription, and I'm not even sure what would work at this point.  When I am drawing, I don't quite see it clearly either way, with or without the reading glasses.  Thus, in frustration, I made this morning's drawing:

  Drawing #237  9" x 12"

I need to make canvases and start painting again, but with these eyes, I don't think I'll even be able to measure correctly.

I know I should give it all time and relax, but I'm not a patient person!

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 206: Pressure, pressure, pressure

November 11, 2007  Day 206

Today I made my drawing in late afternoon, and for some reason I was relaxed and had a lot of fun with it.  I didn't worry about containing myself within the page, but swept the pens freely from edge to edge.

  Drawing #211  12" x 9"

I could not sleep last night and spent some time agonizing over everything that was on my mind, feeling pressure to make some changes and to ease up on myself.  This morning I talked to my sister Laura, who is always a good sounding-board for me when I'm going through this kind of analysis.  After talking to her, I canceled my commitment to give a workshop on internet marketing for artists next summer.  Too often I just say "yes" to any opportunity that comes along, and then I'm sorry later.

It's been too long since I have had time to paint.  I need to clear off my desk and find that space to do my own creative work.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 203: We Find a House for Laura and Jim

November 8, 2007  Day 203

It is 10:45 p.m. and I am finally getting a chance to write this blog.  I did my drawing in the afternoon.  My new zig calligraphy pens arrived in a full array of colors, as well as some new calligraphy brush pens.  I didn't have time to try them all out, but used some of the subtle new shades in today's drawing:

   Drawing #208  9" x 12"

This morning I went house-hunting with Jim, and we found the perfect house for him and my sister Laura.  Laura said she trusts us to pick out a house without her seeing it, so I think they might make an offer this weekend.  We will go back on Saturday to confirm our first opinions.  This is all so exciting!

This evening I was on a panel about self-publishing, and that was enlightening because each of the other authors on the panel chose different paths for publishing their books, and had different reasons for doing so.  Even our audience contained self-published authors with interesting stories to tell.  "Doing it yourself" is difinitely IN today.

And now, I must to bed. 

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 198: Performance Anxiety

November 3, 2007  Day 198

All day today, I've been sluggish, mildly depressed, and anxious.  I couldn't figure out what was bugging me at first, but finally realized it must be the fact that I am going to be on two panel discussions next week:  one for artists and one for writers.  They are both on topics that I know a lot about, so I assumed I'd be relaxed about it.  Unfortunately, my performance anxiety never lets me relax when I have to appear before a group of people.

The solution, I figure, is to prepare really well for both events.  I had been putting it off since I'm busy with other things, but now it's time to get started.

We also have my sister Laura's husband Jim arriving tomorrow to stay with us for a week or two.  He is a photographer and is coming to check out Ithaca as a place to live and do his art (Jim's Eyes Digital Photography).  Laura is not coming with him (she was here for ten days earlier in the month), so I guess I'm a little nervous about making sure he has a great time while he's here.

In any case, I did a drawing this morning in full color, and had to call in black and gray to rescue the overwhelming clash:

  Drawing #203  12" x 9"

Maybe I'm just worried about the cataract operations coming up at the end of the month!  For an artist, having her eyes operated on is definitely a scary proposition.  Will my art look different to me afterwards?  Will something go wrong?  Yikes!

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 192: Foundation of LIght

The challenge in this morning's drawing was to use a full spectrum of color instead of focusing on a narrow range, as I'd been doing lately.  I think I was fairly successful.

   Drawing #197  12" x 9"

It is easier to use a narrow range of colors than a full spectrum because it can easily fall into chaos--overwhelming color.  Then it needs to be toned down.

After making my drawing this morning, I went for the first time to a meditation session at The Foundation of Light, where they have programs supporting  eclectic spiritual practices that are not based on any single religion.  The group felt warm and comfortable to me, and I was at peace when I left.  We spent some time on meditating, and some on reading and discussion.  The mix was just right.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 191: Painting Again

October 27, 2007  Day 191

I finally started painting again today after returning my studio to its "normal" state at the end of the art trail.  It is always hard to get back into painting when I've been away from it, and I began by taking a canvas I was fairly happy with and turning it into a bigger problem to solve:

  Canvas 23  36" x 36"

In today's drawing I went back to the blue-green series of calligraphy pens, using the brush pens to fill in spaces.  I really prefer these calligraphy pens to anything else, and need to see if I can find them in more color shades than I currently have.

  Drawing #196  12" x 9"

I was a bit down this morning, feeling bored by the sameness of my daily routine.  But I went ahead and worked in spite of it, and then this afternoon Adrian and I took Roxy for a walk in the woods.  We went out after a fresh rain, and it was warm enough that the air felt like Spring instead of late October.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

 

A Year of Making Art, Day 188: Walking in the Woods Is Part of Ithaca Life

October 24, 2007  Day 188

I'm back to greens and blues in today's drawing.  The design felt a bit static with not enough focus.  I may keep working on it.

   Drawing #193  12" x 9"

Someone made an appointment to visit my studio this afternoon, but her husband called and said she was having car trouble and would have to reschedule.  Then a few minutes ago, the client who couldn't make up his mind about which painting to buy called and said he's coming over tonight to get one.

I would like to have my studio back to "painting mode," which is a lot different than I have it for visitors.

Last night at our bipolar support group meeting, it became clear that for us Ithacans, exercise, especially outdoors, is a big part of how we stay stable.  A new member from the city felt out of sorts here.  She could imagine walking for hours  in Manhattan, but not in the woods. 

I just had a wonderfully brisk walk with a neighbor this afternoon over colorful trails of wet leaves.  I couldn't imagine living without that.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 183: End of Hypomania

October 19, 2007  Day 183

What a day!  My hypomania ended when I woke up with a urinary tract infection.  Then the antibiotic I took to cure it gave me nausea and diarrhea.  I spent most of the day either in the bathroom or in bed, and didn't get to my drawing until 6 p.m.  Here it is:

  Drawing #187  12" x 9"

Tomorrow is the art trail weekend again, so I hope I wake up cured!

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 182: In the Midst of Hypomania

October 18, 2007  Day 182

I am definitely hyper this week.  I've been getting up between 5 and 6 a.m. every morning, and find my head buzzing with projects and ideas.  If you haven't read it before in this blog, I am bipolar.  I love the hypomania, but also know that it takes its toll, and the aftermath could very well be depression. 

I enjoyed making this morning's drawing, which began with an unpromising beginning.  Step by step, I urged it to come together:

  Drawing #186  12" x 9"

I believe one thing that's making me hyper is hosting two art trail open studio weekends, one last weekend and the next coming up in two days.   After that I'll probably crash, or at least relax a bit.  My online art business has heated up lately, also, and it seems that I spend more time at the business than the art-making end these days.  When business is slow, I get depressed.  When it is good, I get hyper.   

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 178: Love What Is

October 14, 2007  Day 178

Today it was rainy and cold, keeping down the numbers of Art Trail visitors, but I enjoyed talking to the ones who showed up.  In between, I read or worked on my drawings.  First, I did a geometric design using a ruler for the lines and a template for the circles.  Then I worked on an abstract landscape with brush pens, and began a third drawing that I will finish tomorrow. 

  Drawing #180  9" x 12"

  Drawing #181  12" x 9"

One of the perks of this Art Trail weekend has been the opportunity to read Byron Katie's book, A Thousand Names for Joy.  I don't  usually allow myself time to read during the work-day, and the message in this book is one that I sorely need:  love what is.

Recently I heard about an exhibit taking place in my old hometown, Newark, New Jersey.  The Red Bad of Courage will take place at The National Newark Building from October 28 to December 9.  Artists from New Jersey, New York and abroad will show work based on the writings of Stephen Crane, author of the book titled The Red Bad of Courage.   For more information, check out Open Doors 2007.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 176: Breaking Point

October 12, 2007  Day 176

I didn't realize how tense I was today until my brother Bob called.  After he told me that I should start imitating the impressionists in my painting, I hurled a few expletives at him and hung up the phone.  Bob is always coming up with ideas for other people to execute, and usually I just let him go on about it and then ignore his advice.  I think this habit is his way of trying to connect with people.  At least, I hope there is something positive behind it, because it is continually annoying at best, and today drove me to the breaking point.

Adrian just stopped by to chat, and we laughed about the phone call with Bob.  I know Bob won't take offense at my hanging up on him, but will use the incident as material for a good story to tell the next person he talks to. 

In my drawing today, I used a variety of black and gray pens--fine point, calligraphy and brush.  It took me a while to get into the groove.

   Drawing #178  9" x 12"

Tomorrow is the first day of the Art Trail open studio weekends.  Myabe I am more nervous about it than I had realized.  That could be the cause of my tension.  Or maybe it's because I'm hyper this week and have been getting up at 5 a.m.  Or all of the above.

Now I will pick up Mike and Rachel.  An afternoon with grandkids is always good for reducing tension.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 175: Are We All Hypochondriacs?

October 11, 2007  Day 175

I'm going to live after all! 

We laugh at Woody Allen's hypochondria, and I often think that Adrian obsesses too much over his health issues, but I'm as bad or worse.  Two weeks ago when I took my blood pressure, the monitor indicated I had an irregular heartbeat, and the manual said "call your doctor" if this happens.  After I did, the doctor's nurse told me to cut out caffeine and to come in for an EKG.  I immediately went to straight decaf in the morning and a single cup of green tea in the afternoon.  I also doubled my blood pressure (BP) meds because I couldn't seem to get the numbers down.

But what I didn't realize was how worried I had been about it all.  Since I got home from the doc's office this afternoon, I feel immensely relieved.  He said that we all have an irregular heartbeat occasionally and that if I don't have symptoms, such as palpitations, then I shouldn't worry about it.  He even said one cup of coffee a day was OK.

In this morning's drawing, I comfortably drew with black and gray pens, both fine point and calligraphy.  Then I used the brush pens to fill in some highlights.

  Drawing #177

Last night Adrian arrived in drizzling rain at the Ithaca airport, back from his California trip.  It's great to have him back even if life is more chaotic than when I'm home alone.  He is out walking Roxy now.  The poor dog has been pining away for him all week.

In two days the Art Trail open studio weekends start.  I'm keeping my expectations very low, but it's good to know my studio is clean, organized, and ready for the hordes.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 174: Must Be Hypomania

October 10, 2007  Day 174

Adrian is coming home tonight after an eight-day trip to California.  It will be great to have him back, but I'll miss being able to work 12 hours a day if I feel like it.  My studio is just about ready for the Art Trail weekends coming up, so I can take it easy tomorrow and spend most of the day with Adrian.

I need the down time.  Each day this week I got up earlier, waking this morning at 5 a.m.  Am I getting a bit hypomanic?  I'll have to watch it.

Drawing does seem to be easier on a smaller sheet of paper (see previous post).  I enjoyed this morning's blue-green exploration with calligraphy pens, using the brush pens to fill in spaces:

  Drawing #176  12" x 9"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 172: The Tao of Time

October 8, 2007  Day 172

Today I woke up at 6 a.m., with huge to-do lists facing me.  I am trying to be more "in the moment," living NOW instead of in the past or future, but it's hard when I'm trying to remember to do a zillion things.  OK, that's how everyone feels in today's fast-paced world, isn't it?

Mostly, I'm just trying to slow down and focus on what I'm doing at the moment.  I've been browsing a book called The Tao of Time, hoping to find a more peaceful approach to my life.  It's really geared to people who have jobs with meetings and all kinds of appointments.  Now THEY are run by the clock.  I shouldn't be, since I am self-employed and have very few meetings or appointments.  I theoretically can paint all day if I want to. 

So much for theory.

I thought I was crazy starting to get ready for the Art Trail on Sunday, when it isn't happening until this coming weekend.  But today, after I have been breaking my back preparing, and see how much is left to do, I'm glad I started early!  The reward will be a sparkling clean and organized studio.

What can I say about this morning's drawing?  Whimsical? 

  Drawing #174  11" x 14"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 169: My Art Self

October 5, 2007  Day 169

Adrian is the "errand runner" for our family and my art business.  With him away in California, I've been running around town the last two days.  Errands eat into my creative time, but what's worse is that they eat into my creative mind.  It's hard to stay focused when the day is chopped up into little pieces.

In this morning's drawing, I wanted something cheerful, and picked the blue-green calligraphy pens to achieve this.  It wasn't easy because I jsut haven't felt my art self lately.

What is that, anyway?  It's hard to capture a feeling once it's gone, but when it comes back, I'll know it.

   Drawing #171  14" x 11"

Now I have to pick up Mike and Rachel at Newfield School.  Later Blixy will join us for supper, and then we'll all go to the reception at the State of the Art Gallery.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 160: Back to Black

September 26, 2007  Day 160

When I have had too much color, I move back to black.  This morning I added some grays and thin lines to the form I made with the thick end of a Zig black calligraphy pen.

  Drawing #162  11" x 14"

Last night we had our bipolar support group meeting, and I found myself in deep sympathy with a new member.  It is very hard for me not to rush out and try to "save" someone like that, but of course, our meetings are designed to share and advise, not to become personally involved.  And in the end, we each have to save ourselves.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 157: Expression in Black

September 23, 2007  Day 157

I had a productive morning yesterday, working on three paintings after I finished my drawing.

   Canvas #19  36" x 36"

  Canvas #21  36" x 36"

  Canvas #22  40" x 40"

In the afternoon, I met Blixy and the kids at Buttermilk Falls State Park and we went for a hike, getting caught in a downpour at the end.  Then we came back for Adrian and went out to dinner.

I totally forgot to write yesterday's art blog.

This morning I made my drawing in all black, using a Zig calligraphy pen.  I began by expressing my frustration at life, or the end of life, and ended by falling into the process itself.  A relief.

  Drawing #159  11" x 14"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 156: Mind Fog Strikes

September 22, 2007  Day 156

I made my drawing today and painted, but completely forgot about writing in this blog.  So it is actually September 23 as I write this.  I will post my drawing here and then go on to write today's blog:

   Drawing #158  11" x 14"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 146: The Value of a Support Group

September 12, 2007  Day 146

Last night's bipolar support group meeting was warm, supportive, and thoughtful, with a good laugh thrown in here and there.  My sister Laura came with me, and she was very impressed with the quality of the discussion, especially considering it is a peer-run group without any outside "expert" to guide us.

In this morning's drawing, I started with blue, but soon I was adding so many colors that I had to tone it down with some fine black lines.  I also filled in some areas with gray to take away some of the bright colors, and to add emphasis.

  Drawing #148  11" x 14"

I started to see double at one point, and realized I need to take care of my cataracts before the end of the year.  I'm really looking forward to being able to see clearly again.

It was fun looking at houses yesterday afternoon.  We saw a wonderful old renovated barn with the original beams intact.  Laura discovered she could get a lot more house in Ithaca than in south Florida for the same money, although we don't have the large inventory there is in Florida.  The housing market hasn't gone berserk here as it has in many parts of the country.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 144: Anxious?

September 10, 2007  Day 144

Today is Elsie Stoessel's birthday.  She was my ex-mother-in-law, and a great lady:  a lover of books, art and nature.  She always stood by me and Blixy, and I chronicle her last years in my memoir, The Bipolar Dementia Art Chronicles. 

I didn't understand why I felt anxious this morning, but just realized it's because I am the leader of tonight's book group discussion on The Pickup by Nadine Gordimer.  It was a great book and my sister Laura will go with me.  The meeting is at my friend and neighbor's house, so all in all, this should be low-stress.  Should be.

In this morning's drawing, I used my favorite combination of reds to purple and orange, creating an egg-like shape filled with bright patterns.  A new set of calligraphy pens is arriving this week with 42 colors, so I'm looking forward to having more shades to work with.

  Drawing #146  11" x 14"

It's a gray day here, wet and muddy since it rained most of yesterday.  Laura and I got in a walk when it slowed down, and then we all watched Federer beat Jokovitch in the US Open tennis final.

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 139: Masterpiece Paper

September 5, 2007  Day 139

One reason I might be having so much trouble drawing lately is that I recently started using extra special, heavier, more expensive paper.  Only masterpieces should be created on this paper!

I noticed while photographing my latest drawings today that I did not sign the one I made yesterday (see previous post).  It is embarrassing to sign some of the drawings I've been doing lately, but I'd like to get past this embarrassment.  It's time I stopped worrying so much about what other people think.

Today I started with the fine point Nexus black pen, hoping that might break the unimaginative spell I've been in lately.  Pretty soon I had to add heavier lines and fill in some spaces with the brush pens.  Still, within the boundaries of gray and black, I felt OK about this one.  It is signed.

   Drawing #141  11" x 14"

(Note:  There is a gap between the dates I'm writing and posting in order to give me time to get ahead in case we travel and I'm not able to post.)

A Year of Making Art, Day 135: Anxiety + Irritability

September 1, 2007  Day 135

This morning at breakfast, after I pissed Adrian off, he said, "I won't talk to you about anything personal again."  Just as he doesn't really listen to me when I want to vent, I don't listen to him either.  We are both tense.

And thus, I started this morning's drawing with black and gray, staying with it, making patterns and then adding emphasis by texturing spaces with fine lines.  I may not know what I'm doing, but within a narrow context I can work to make a drawing better.